Super Bowl Prediction Time

People read the Iowa Blog Cabin for its hard-hitting, pull-no-punches analysis. For the Super Bowl, it's no different.

Sunday is going to be a good game. As a lifelong Steeler's fan, you can probably guess who I'm pulling for and who I think is going to win. Here's how it's going to happen...

I hope the Cardinals get the ball first.  This will let the Steelers' defense set the tone right off the bat for the game.  Warner gets rid of the ball pretty fast, so the challenge is going to be to put pressure on him.  They'll shut down the running game, forcing the Cardinals to throw - which they're good at.  But, they're going to throw more than they want to on Sunday which will lead to sacks, interceptions and fumbles. 

This will lead to the Steelers enjoying good field position with a short field - and reducing the pressure on Big Ben.  The Steelers' offensive line will eventually wear down the Cardinal defense, opening up an effective running game - watch for Willie Parker to have a very good game.

The real wildcard for the the Cardinals is Ken Whisenhunt.  He won a Super Bowl as the offensive coach for the Steelers.  He likes trickery and he knows how Big Ben - and Willie Parker thinks .  If they can pull off a trick play and intercept Roethlisberger, they have a real shot. 

In sum, the Steelers should win this game.  If Arizona wins the trick play, turnover, special teams, jedi-mindtrick battle - they have a fighting chance. 

Nevertheless, the Iowa Blog Cabin predicts - 24 - 13 - Steelers win.  Take it to the bank.

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Gulp!

Watch this. Seriously. Watch this now. It will blow your mind. If it doesn't, please move to Cuba.

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STD Prevention is Economic Stimulus?

With answers like this, how could we ever doubt her...?

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BREAKING NEWS! Another DTV Update!

The House of Representatives has struck down the president's request to extend the DTV deadline!  This means that the February deadline is back on! Take action now - do not delay!  Time is of the essence.

From the AP:

Bucking the Obama administration, House Republicans on Wednesday defeated a bill to postpone the upcoming transition from analog to digital television broadcasting to June 12 — leaving roughly 6.5 million U.S. households unprepared for the switchover.

The 258-168 vote failed to clear the two-thirds threshold needed for passage in a victory for GOP members, who warn that postponing the transition from the current Feb. 17 deadline would confuse consumers.

Barry is gonna be pissed.

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IBC Bonus! Mid-Week Rant

“You don’t ever want a crisis to go to waste; it’s an opportunity to do important things that you would otherwise avoid.”  -Rahm Emanuel, Chief of Staff

Well, it looks like the House of Representatives is going to vote on another stimulus package. Another $1.2 trillion down the drain. I was reading yesterday the items that are actually in this bill - and it's hilarious.

Take a look:

• Billions in taxpayer dollars for left-wing "community organizing" groups like ACORN.  This money will be used to buy cigarettes for homeless bums that agree to vote for Democrats.  Awesome! 
• Another $650 million for DTV coupons.  That's $650 MILL-ION.  For coupons.  To buy converter boxes made in China.  So people can watch TV.  That'll stimulate things. 
• $600 million so the federal government can buy new cars.  A chicken in every pot.  A Prius for every bureaucrat.  Oh wait.  Prius is not made by one of the companies our central planners support.  They aren't unionized.
• $6 billion for colleges and universities.  WHEW!  Basket Weaving 101, The Evils of Capitalism 204 and Reinterpreting American History 303, WILL be offered next semester by your favorite America-hating tenured professor who has NEVER had a a real job in his/her life. 
• $50 million for the National Endowment for the Arts.  Millions of starving artists will finally get to go back to work painting poop-smeared portraits of the Virgin Mary. 
• $44 million for repairs to U.S. Department of Agriculture headquarters.  Tom Vilsack, that intrepid Iowa farmer, says thanks. 
• $200 million for the National Mall, including $21 million for sod.  After seeing the Obama Wasteland the other day, $21 million for new sod may not be enough.
• The plan establishes at least 32 new government programs at a cost of over $136 billion.  Rule #1 of Bureaucracy development:  Make the bureaucracy permanent.  Check!   
• The plan provides spending in at least 150 different federal programs.  Andrew Lesko is already working on his next book...   

A few othe tidbits:

• The cost of the stimulus is enough to give every man, woman and child in the United States $2,700.
• It's enough to give every American living in poverty $22,000.
• The bill will cost each and every American household $6,700 in national debt.

But at least they've dropped the millions that was in it for contraceptives.  All of this crap is going to pass, too.  Please - raise your hand if you honestly think it is going to do one bit of good...Seriously.  It's a total waste of money.  How will this stimulate the economy and create good permanent jobs and national prosperity?  It won't.

But I know what will work - CUT MY TAXES and let me keep more of the money that I earn (Along with every other American and the businesses they own.)  I looked it up - in 2007, the federal government collected something like $2.6 trillion in income taxes.  Why not let the people who earned this money decide how to spend the money and what parts of the economy need "stimulus"? 

Friends and neighbors, it's craziness - and this stimulus will not help bring our economy out of recession or create permanent, good paying jobs.  Another $1.2 billion, down the drain.  Thankfully, the printing presses still work, right?

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Pic of the Day: Out to Sea

From Virgin Islands - March 2007

Hmmm...Where I'd like to be right about now.

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The DTV Drama Continues...

A little follow-up to a recent rant.  Looks like Congress is going to delay the transition to DTV by four months.  Great.  Four more months of public service announcements.  On behalf of millions of old ladies who want to watch "Days of our Lives," thank-you Barry. 

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Rollin' On Over

Babies are funny.  Before today, Collin has rolled over a couple times - primarily on "accident."  That is, he's been on the floor messing around and - WHOOOP!  He'd roll over.  Or, it's taken a fair bit of prodding and almost trickery on our part.  He's been strong enough to roll over for a long time - he's really strong, actually.  But he never quite had it down - rolling from his back to his stomach.  His one arm kept getting in his way and it was stop him from completing the roll.

Until this morning.  He's laying there on the floor on his back and, almost like it was nothing, he rolls over.  I was amazed.  But, one roll does not a trend make.  So, I put him back on his back.  Two seconds later - WHAM-O.  He rolls over again- no sweat. 

Collin and I spent most of the afternoon down in the "manatorium" watching the NFL network's highlights of every single Super Bowl.  It was great.  In the several hours that we were down there, he rolled over more times than I could keep track of.  He'd roll over, looked shocked for a second, look at me and laugh and start chewing on his fist.  Finally, he'd get a little bored with it and, unable to yet roll back over, I'd help him out.  A few seconds later, he'd roll over again - like he'd been doing it for years.

Pretty neat stuff - he figured it out and perfected the art of rolling over in a couple hours.  Pictures and videos of the action coming soon...

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Friday's Rant: Where Do I Begin?

So much to rant about this week.  Last night, I leaned back in my couch, scratched my chin and pondered what to write...

I could start with more on the Obama cultists...But then I thought, I've already written about these sheep so much, I'm kind of tired of it.  There are two kinds of people in this world:  Those that think this guy walks on water, can do no wrong, is the second coming of Jesus, or, like me.  Like every other cult - ration, logical reason doesn't apply to these people.  Enough said.

So after I passed on writing about the Obama cultists, I thought about the bailouts, fiscal stimuli, Keynesian economics and other types of creative math.  I thought about how our government has poured literally trillions of dollars down a rat hole and nothing has changed.  I thought about the new AND IMPROVED fiscal stimulus package proposal on its way.  Trillions more, no doubt. 

I thought about tax cuts.  Rather than spend my money on B.S. "infrastructure" - union payback projects, why not just let us keep more of our money - the money we earn?  I'll put my hand on the holy tax code right now and swear to Lord Obama - the first thing I'll do is by a 47" flat panel LCD TV - just give me a tax cut.  My mind drifted off to my old Economics classes...something about printing money and inflation. 

My thoughts then turned introspective.  Could I be wrong?  I doubt it.  I looked at Ol' Col.  He agreed. 

I thought about the war on terror and and our new president.  What does it say about his priorities when the first thing he does is stop the terrorist trials and close down Guantanemo Bay?  I thought it interesting that he has more interest in justice for terrorists at the Guantanemo Bay resort prison than the rest of us.  I thought about how I didn't really care WHAT they do to the terrorists - ever.  I then thought about the 240-some terrorists at Gitmo.  How they would all fit nicely in the cargo bay of a C-130.  How convenient it would be to fly them out to the middle of the ocean and open door.  Problem solved.  I believe, in Latin American countries, it's referred to as "being disappeared."  I'm cool with it. 

I thought about the Pittsburgh Steelers.  Nothing to rant about there.

I grew a little more anxious, was this going to be the week I can't decide what to rant about?  I kept pondering...

I flipped open the laptop and began to read...looking a little more certain that Franken's going to steal the election.  Great.

This morning I see Obama's lifting the ban on funding for groups that perform abortions abroad.  Ugh.  I guess that's change. 

So, here I sit.  What to rant about?  I'm sure I'll think of something...

Breathe in, breathe out...there will be another election.

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An Obama Wasteland

What's the carbon footprint of this?

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New Job, Day One

Barry walks into the Oval Office.  Alone, he pauses for a moment.  "Wow.  This is all mine?"  He stares up at the ceiling for a minute and walks over to the window.  Pushing back the curtain with one finger he stares out into the morning glare of Washington, D.C.  "No protests, yet.  That's cool.

He stands behind the big fancy desk, almost hesitant to sit down.  He rolls the chair back and takes a seat.  All that's there is an old phone, circa 1994, sitting on top of a tattered D.C. phone book.  There's a red blinking light on the phone.

He picks up the phone and presses the button next to the blinking light.  A stale, computer voice responds, "You have one new voicemail...Press 5 to listen to your new message."  Barry presses the button.

The message begins - "Uh, yes, Mr. President?  this is your secretary.  I just wanted to leave you a message that your carton of Kool 100's are in.  I'll leave them on my desk for you.  Oh, and you might want to change your voicemail."  Click.

"You-have-no-new-messages.  To delete this message and listen to your old messages, press *6.  To delete this message and not listen to your old messages press *7.  To save this message and go on to your old message press *8.  To listen to your current greeting, press *9.

"Oh, uh, well, uh, I'd guess I'd better listen to the old one,"  he presses *9 and listens closely.

"Uh, you've reached the voicemail of George W. Bush.  The president of the United States.  The big Kahoona.  The top dog.  Some call me Dubya, some call me '43' and some call me an old S.O.B.  But you can call me Mr. President.  Leave me a message and I'll have Dick call you back."  

The message ends..."If you would like to change your message, press *10.  If you would like to listen to this message again press *1.  Barry mumbles, "I'm Barack Obama and I DO NOT approve this message."

He presses *2.  "The function is not valid.  Please try again.  For help, dial *12*34*."  He presses *3.  "The function is not valid.  Please hang up and try your call again."

"Uh, dang.  First day on the job and I can't even change the voicemail."  Barry looks up.  His chief of staff is peaking in the door at him.  "Rahm, get in here.  What's going on?  I don't have ANY sticky notes, all the pens are dried up and I can't even change my voicemail.  Does this place have an orientation or anything?"

"Uh, no sir..."  Rahm studders.  "I think you just need to press *9."

"That's what I WAS pressing!"

"Uh, yes sir.  We'll get you a new phone.  We have the prime minister of Russia on line 1 for you."  

"Remind me again who that is?  Vlad Putin or that other guy?  I can never remember."

"Putin, sir.  Just pick up the phone and dial  #1."

"Oh, yeah."  Barry picks up the phone and presses *1.

A stale computer voice comes on the line.  "You have reached the White House voicemail system, please dial your password to continue."

"Uh, um, Vlad, are you playing me?!"

"You have reached the White House voicemail system, please dial your password to continue."

"Darn it! This is not change!  Rahm, get me my executive order pad, a new pen and my super cool Blackberry."

Just then, Hillary Clinton walks in the room sporting a snappy new pantsuit.  She looks over at the flustered Obama, shuffling through his desk.  He pulls out an old stick of chewing gum.  "What the heck?"  He opens it and begins to chew.  "I just looove Juicy Fruit."

"Mr. President," she begins.  "Prime Minister Putin is losing patience."

"Uh, who?  Oh, yeah...Hillary - do you have any extra sticky notes?"

Hillary, puts her hand on her forehead, shaking it back and forth.  "Ready on on day one, my ass..." she mumbles.    

Obama scribbles on a new sticky note, struggling to get his new pen to write...

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You are Invited!

I received this invitation and was asked to pass it along...sounds fun, whatever.

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You're Invited to a PARTY to celebrate Bush's last day in office!  FINALLY!

DATE: January 20, 2009
TIME:  All Day
PLACE:  The Mean Bean Coffee House and Hemp Jewelry Emporium
ATTIRE:  Ponytails, Birkenstocks and bathing optional.

Please join us as we celebrate the end to eight long years of national embarrassment as we look forward to eight years of hope, change and our most merciful Messiah!

We're keeping it simple - because we all have so much to be thankful for.  But, to keep things moving, here's our rockin' agenda:

8:00 A.M. - Free coffee and the top-10 things we hate most about George W. Bush. 

9:00 A.M. - Discussions on Health Care.  An in-depth conversation on the nearly 50 million Americans who don't have health insurance and what George W. Bush HASN'T done about it.   

10:00 A.M. - Discussions on Foreign Policy.  We'll talk at length about all the rotten ways George W. Bush has screwed up American foreign policy.  Sandy Hustferth and her life partner, Mandy, will also be discussing their new "Adopt a Gitmo Detainee" program..."These poor men have gone through so much in their time in detention.  We, as a democratic, progressive people, owe them bigtime.  Mandy and I just wanted to open our home and do our part to give back."

11:00 A.M. - Progressive Theologian, Dr. Herbert James will present his newest book, "Dick Cheney:  Man or Satan?" You may recall his last book, "The Texas Antichrist and Other Prophecies Revealed," made it to #7 on moveon.org's Top Ten Book List.

12:00 P.M. - an organic vegan lunch with fair trade coffee.  There will also be a reading of Maya Angelou's greatest poems.

1 P.M. - Your favorite "Daily Show" clip-a-thon.  If there's been anything that has made the last eight years easier, it's been that island in a sea of insanity, that reason in an unreasonable world...The Daily Show.  Well, we've compiled some of the best Bush hatin', Bush is stupid, Bush can't talk, Bush can't walk, Bush is a Christian clips and put them in this magical hour to reminisce.  Those jokes never get old.

2 P.M. - "Where Do We Go From Here?'  As we all know by now, Bush is the stupidest human being ever born.  This introspective hour takes a look at the giant vacuum that will soon be created in the joke writing community when Bush leaves office.   Progressive comedian Paul Kantrell will walk us through the challenges they face as well as the new opportunities they'll find..."We're not too worried about it.  We'll rehash the old ones.  I'm already working on a monologue about how the Bush Presidential Library will contain the definitive collection of Dr. Seuss books."   

3 - 3:15 P.M. - Break for those needing medicinal marijuana  (Behind the shed out back).

3:15 - 4 P.M. - Organic snack break and nap time.

4 P.M. - "It's not Big, it's Phat"  A hopeful look towards the federal government in the Obama years.

5 - 7 P.M. - "Keep the Hate Alive."  In this provocative lecture, Dr. Seymour Finkelstein discusses the ways we can continue to direct our criticism, hate and blame towards George W. Bush.  Whether it healthcare, the economy, foreign policy - you name it - Bush is and will still be to blame - for nearly everything.   "The Bush legacy is going to be one that takes decades to erase," said Finkelstein.  "Things aren't going to stop being his fault because it's January 21..."

7 - 11:59 P.M. - "The Goodbye Bush Ball".  Ladies and gentlemen, ladies and ladies, gentlemen and gentlemen, dogs and cats, grab your life partner and get on that dance floor!  This is your night!  We've put together a playlist of your favorite Barbara Streisand, Elton John and K.C. and the Sunshine band hits.  Dance the night away - but don't forget the champagne toast to "kiss Bush goodbye" at 11:59!


Please note:  In an effort to reduce our carbon footprint, and since hybrids don't hold many people, we will be offering a rickshaw shuttle service provided at no charge by out of work Republican legislators.  Please help save the earth and take advantage of this sustainable mode of transportation.

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When Buying a Plunger...

Question:  Have you ever gone into a store with only one thing on your shopping list...a toilet plunger? 

It's not as easy as you may think - to walk into Menard's, walk back to the plumbing section, grab a plunger, walk back across Menard's, plunger in hand, pay and leave.

Everybody you walk by, all the guys in the blue smocks, the 17 year old girl at the register...everybody...knows.  They know you didn't go at Menard's for a screwdriver and thought, "Oh, wait!  I need a plunger, too." 

Well, I had the joy of this experience today.  Usually when I go to Menard's I have an entire list in my head.  All kinds of goodies in mind and a few things I run into along the way.  I walk back to the plumbing section and stand at the wall of plungers.  I grab the biggest, most professional industrial strength one I could find..."NO TURD TO TOUGH."  That's the one for me.

I made my selection and walked down the aisle.  "Wait," I thought to myself, "I need some more stuff.  I can't walk through Menard's with only a plunger."  I blushed a little.

I grabbed one of those little baskets and put the plunger in and walked around the store a while.  I didn't want it to appear to obvious there was only ONE thing I needed.  Well, one box of light bulbs, a plunger, a cordless screwdriver and a bag of maple nut goodies later, I was at the check-out.  They'll never suspect that all I really needed was a plunger.

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Friday Eve's Rant: Nineteen Below

Wow.  A little "frost on the pumpkin" this morning, folks.  This week's rant is obvious.  I'm jumping the gun and posting it a day early.  It was -19 degrees last night and they say -12 tonight.  Here's a little something to "keep us all warm." 

One Hot Toddy:
1 oz (2 tablespoons) Scotch (or Bourbon)
1 tablespoon mild honey
2 teaspoons fresh lemon juice
1/4 cup boiling-hot water

Preparation:
Put Scotch, honey, and lemon juice in a 6-ounce mug. Top off with hot water and stir until honey is dissolved.  Sit back, relax, listen to the Iowa Blog Cabin's Greatest Hits...repeat as needed.  Just over two months until spring.

Breathe in, breathe out...(if you can)...this week's rant is over.

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Evening Commute...Iowa Blog Cabin Style

Big time blizzard here at the Iowa Blog Cabin today. Winds raging outside. Probably 40-45 mph constant. Here's a clip of the action...




And the commute home tonight was even better. Probably the worst winds I've ever driven in. Real nasty winds out of the northwest. Here are a few more pics of the commute...

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Your Quick Hits for January 12, 2009

I have a feeling the people of Tok, AK could use a little global warming right about now..."Life at -78 Degrees in Alaska."

Blizzard at the Iowa Blog Cabin and all of central Iowa today.  A big thanks to Jeriann Ritter and the entire Channel 13 news team.

Positive news on the recession front - "Obama Says Recession Requires Scaling Back Promises."  Boy, I never saw that one coming.  I'm sure the Obama cultists will never catch on.

For those of you who may think I'm all rants, negativity and hatin' on Barry, here's, well, my softer side...Cute Things Falling Asleep.  Nothing but babies, kittens, little chickies and other furry woodland creatures falling asleep.  Well, what say you now?! 

And finally, here's a great story of what, in olden days, was referred to as "the free market."  There's a store in Britain called "Pound World," where everything's a pound.  Kind of like on this side of the pond where "everything's a dollar."  Well, it seems, right across the street from this store a new store opened a few months ago where "everything's 99 pence."  Seems that was enough to push "Pound World" out of business.  Now the next logical question is, "are they too big to fail?"  Well, no word yet on a possible bailout.

Oh, okay...one more for fun.  Over the weekend, Zimbabwe, that pinnacle of financial stability, began issuing a $50 billion dollar bill.  "Can't Happen Here, Right?"  Please note...this is what happens when a country just starts printing money that is backed by nothing.

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Friday's Rant: Digital TV

Folks, it's starting to get serious.  Seriously.  No fooling around.  We're now less that forty days away from the United States of America's official conversion to digital television.  Are you prepared?  Are you scared?  Do you have a CLUE what's about to happen?

I have a fairly thick skin.  But over the past year, every other commercial, after nearly every newscast, on billboards across the country and on nearly every kind of media, we've been hearing about how our nation will be switching to digital broadcasts on TV on February 17, 2009.  Does anybody NOT know this?

Now I'm sure that come February 17,  there will be 198 million old ladies who wake-up, try and flip on "The Price is Right," scratch their head and wonder why they don't have any TV.  They'll then proceed to call their Senator, Mayor or Barack Obama and go off on why they don't know why they don't have any TV and ask what they're going to do about it.  Typical.

As annoying as all that is, this is not the point of this rant.  The thing that annoys me the most about all of this is the $40 "coupons" that have been available to everybody in this country.  You see, people shouldn't have to pay for their TV, taxpayers should - like everything else.  But the kicker is, the federal government has now ran out of money to support this program.  How much have they spent?  $1.3 BILLION.  That's billion...with a 'B'.

I realize that I'm probably the only person who thinks this, but I don't think that I - or any taxpayer - should have to pay billions of dollars to buy digital convertor boxes for other peoples' TVs.  If you can't pay $40 to buy your OWN converter box...tough.  Too bad.  Read a book.

What's more, when the conversion does take place, it's going to be a nightmare.  There are an estimate 70 million TVs that currently rely on analog antennas to receive a signal.  Wilmington, NC (population 95,000) - a test market - has already made the switch...and the FCC received over 1,800 complaints in the first five days.  By that percentage, when the switch goes national, the FCC can expect nearly 6 million complaints - in the first week.  That'll be fun.

Friends and neigbors, here's the point.  Government does very few things well.  We have a good military that does a great job blowing things up.  That's about it.  Mostly, it just screws things up, screws things up worse, creates new problems.  This is just a tiny little example...with $1.3 billion the government couldn't effectively give away $40 coupons and run a PSA campaign.  I work in marketing - do you know what we could do with a $1.3 billion budget?

And these are the people we're relying on to bail-us-out, fiscally stimulate us and rescue us from these troubled times?  Good grief.  Wake-up, people.

Breathe in, breathe out...this week's rant is over.  

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Priorities

You know what's great?  Our country has effectively solved all of its problems.  Trillions and trillions in bailouts?  No prob.  China?  Russia?  Somali pirates?  Mere child's play.

Our brand-spanking new Congress - NOW with EVEN MORE Democrats! is tackling the tough issues.  Issues like gender neutrality in the language of the House rules...

Awesome.  Thank you Nancy Pelosi.  Thank you for making this a better country.

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The Januaries

In the ocean, there is an area referred to by sailors as, "the Doldrums."  The Doldrums are the Doldrums because the winds in this area along the equator are nearly nonexistent.  Back in the day, ships would often get trapped in this area for days or weeks as they waited for wind to pick up.

There is a lesser known, lesser meteorological, lesser scientific phenomenon that appears in Iowa - and I'd bet just about any place north of about 40 degrees latitude.  It's something I like to refer to as "The Januaries."  The Januaries is to Iowans what the Doldrums is to sailors - long, boring, depressing, exhausting, dark and dreary. 

The Januaries is the time of each year between about the first week of January and mid to late March.  Winter is bad no matter when it is, but early on it's a bit more tolerable.  You have the festive holiday season where it's nice sometimes to turn on the fireplace, watch a movie and perhaps drink some egg nog.  But after about, oh, I'd say, January 3...it's gets old.  By the end of January, it's real old.  By the first of March, many people have literally lost their mind.  I am no exception.

People deal with the Januaries in different ways.  Many, over the age of 60, will flee to places such as Arizona or south Florida.  Some will drink heavily.  Some will embrace the frigid temperatures and pass the times with hobbies such as ice fishing, hockey, or skiing.  Many will go into some kind of self-imposed hibernation and basically lock themselves in their house for three months and wait it out.  Still others (usually younger) will divide the Januaries up by taking off to Mexico, the Caribbean or Hawaii for a couple weeks (often in February sometime). 

Except for fleeing to Arizona or south Florida for the season, I've basically tried them all.  However, everything else is just a band-aid - the Januaries are bad.

So it begins.  As I write this it is January 5.  The Januaries have just started.  You can count on the Januaries to only get worse until that hellish weekend in early-mid February when their is neither an NFL game nor a NASCAR race.  Only after this point will a dim light begin to appear at the end of an otherwise deep, dark tunnel.

In many ways right now is a turning point - a point of decision.  How will I survive the Januaries?  Like a sailor adrift in an ocean with no wind - I have a decision to make.  Flea or fight.  The propane guy just left from filling my tank with 438.8 sweet, sweet gallons of propane.  So at least I'll have plenty of...uhh...gas for the coming months.  Anne will appreciate that. 

Maybe Mexico.  Maybe Florida - I wouldn't mind a little trip to the Dry Tortugas.  Maybe I'll pick up a 30-pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon and a Mark Twain novel after work tomorrow.  Maybe I'll listen to a little Jimmy Buffett.  That always settles my mood.  Of course, the lake has several inches of ice on it - expanding by the day.  Maybe I'll take my PBR and go ice fishing.

Either way, we're all in this thing together.  The Januaries roll on.

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A New Year's Rant: Top 10 List

Happy New Year, everyone.  I've always thought that the week between Christmas and New Year should be a "national vacation week."  Nobody is ever in a mood to work.  I took this week off and have been bumming around pretty much the whole time.  Anyway, as I've been bumming around - reading stuff online, watching TV, reading the paper, etc. I have been increasingly annoyed by all of these stupid "top 10 [fill in blank] of 2008" lists that are everywhere I look.  It's no wonder all of these media outlets are going bankrupt.  Talk about laziness.  Here's a sampling of what I've seen...

• 10 Things Obama Could do to Help People
  
• 10 Best Bodywatch Tips of 2008
• 10 Celebrities we Lost in 2008
• The top 10 worst Fashion Flubs of 2008
• Best Vacation Pics of 2008
• Top News Stories of '08
• Top 5 Viral Videos of 2008
• Top Political Stories of 2008
• Top Business Stories of 2008
• Top 10 Dumb Things Said in 2008
• Top 10 Websites of 2008
• Top 10 Scandals of 2008
• Top 10 Movies of 2008
• Top 10 Top 10 Lists of 2008
• Top 10 Photos of 2008
• Top 10 Places to Go in 2008

Seriously.  It's annoying.  But, as predictability would have it, during our last meeting, the IBC's editorial board suggested doing one of our own.  Never one to break the mold, I give you the top ten rantworthy moments of 2008.

10.  $39 Shop Vacs.  If you don't think that this blog has the power to change lives, this rant was for you.  After a desperate, hopeless attempt to score a cheap, black-Friday Shop Vac at Menard's, this rant practically wrote itself.  Guess who got a new Shop Vac for Christmas?  Boo-yeah.

9.  Olympics.  Nothing is more dangerous than when a massive chunk of the world agrees.  Think about it.  I realize I'm the only one, but I hate the olympics.  The magic, the pageantry - the fake, media-created, pseudo-religious pilgrimage feel of it all.  Kind of creeps me out.

8.  Halloween.  Oh boy, I had almost forgot about this one.  What is wrong with America when we can't even trick or treat on HALLOWEEN!?  Screw the economy, we're talking about the very fabric of our society and culture!  Beggar's Night?  Whatever.  If you really want to scare people, go to West Des Moines and try and trick-or-treat on the REAL Halloween night.  You'll probably get arrested.
 
7.  Kum & Go.  The one-man boycott rolls into another year.  The inconvenience continues.  About a month ago, I was with a friend who stopped at a Kum & Go.  Not wanting to look like a freak, I said nothing and went in.  Primarily I went in to verify their cup selection.  Still no 16 oz. cups.  I left.   

6.  Feet.  Eww.  So nasty.

5.  Iowa Smoking Ban.  Ah, here's one that pre-dates the formal, IBC Rant.  If you don't live in Iowa, it's difficult to describe the stupidity of the Iowa legislature.  I could write for hours.  Anyway, in an effort protect "public health," the legislature banned smoking in all "public" places, regardless of who owned the property.  So all over the state, businesses, schools and offices had to buy little stickers to put up everywhere saying "No Smoking."  In fact, it's illegal to NOT have a "No Smoking" sign.  The session is set to start, so I'm sure we'll have a rant or two coming up...

4.  Crocs.  Essentially, Crocs are like some kind of illegal narcotic.  Unless you've ever worn a pair, apparently, you can never understand what it's like.  The moment you start ripping on them, you'll hear from people who have opinions on nothing else, sticking up for them.  "But they're so comfortable!"  I almost can't wait for 15 years from now when all these croc-wearers are looking back at the photos from today and say stuff like, "what can I say, it was the turn of the century?"

3.  Bailouts.  As you probably know, since this rant was written, it's only gotten worse.  The only upside is that it guarantees that there will be plenty of rantworthy material for 2009.
 
2.  Obama Cultists.  Harkening back to #9, Barry Obama is like a one man, four-year long, olympic opening ceremony.  You may begin to understand how I feel.  What's more, the sheeple that follow him around.  This rant sums up my feelings towards this unique group of people.  So full of hope.  So full of belief.  So full of cultish-like chants.  So full of...well, you get the idea.

1.  The Shawn Johnson Experience.  Oh, brother.  Don't get me started.

There you have it.  The lazy, media-imitating, I-don't-want-to-work-this-week-so-I'll-write-something-I've-already-written-this-year, bloggers top-ten list.  This is how they do it.  And it passes as original material and fills up the hours, pages and bandwidth.

Friends and neighbors, we can do better.  Demand better.  No more worthless, rehashed top 10 lists!  Make it stop!

Breathe in, breathe out...this week's rant is over.

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