Friday's Rant: Kum & Go
On average, I drink quite a bit of coffee. First thing in the morning through about 2 p.m., I have a cup of coffee pretty close at hand. This brings me to the topic of today's rant...Kum & Go, their string of "convenience" stores and my one-man boycott of their entire corporation.
Here's the deal, when I go someplace - Starbuck's, McDonald's, my house or a gas station - I drink a 16 oz. cup of coffee. I need more that 12 ounces but a I can't drink 20 ounces fast enough - it gets cold before I finish it. Therefore, 16 ounces is juuust right.
Which brings me to Kum & Go. There are a lot of these stores in Iowa - you can hardly drive by a street corner where there isn't one there - "keeping you on the go."
BUT...and this is the problem - they don't carry 16 ounce cups in ANY of the stores. Believe me, I pay attention. They have 12 ounce cups, 20 ounce cups, hell, they even have 24 ounce cups...But NO 16 ounce cups. Completely unacceptable. What the heck kind of gas station doesn't have 16 ounce cups? Why? What could possibly be the reason? I worked in a gas station for nearly 10 years and I can say with complete confidence - it is a very popular size. It simply doesn't make sense. Unless you consider the possibility that it is a complete conspiracy.
I guarantee this is how it works: somewhere in a dark, smoke-filled back room - around a massive conference room table sits the big-wig management along with a nerdy accountant. He's reading a marketing research study that has found that 99% of the people who want to buy a 16 oz. cup of coffee will instead buy a 20 oz. cup of coffee when a 16 ounce cup is not an option. So if they simply don't offer a 16 oz. cup, they'll sell more 20 oz. cups at 25 cents more cup. This equates to millions of dollars per year in additional revenue for Kum & Go.
See? This is how it works...so, they don't offer me 16 oz. cups - which pisses me off. Thus, for about three years now, I have been personally boycotting this store until they provide me with a 16 oz. cup for my coffee.
Friends and neighbors, I refuse to conform to the kind of cup Kum & Go thinks I should use. I refuse to fit into the mold that their nerdy accountants say I should. I am that 1% of consumers who WILL NOT buy a 20 oz cup when all I really want is a 16 oz. cup. Stand up people! Stand up to the evil Kum & Go overlords that want us to be mind-numb slaves to their corporate mold. Here's our chance to rebel and make a difference. Demand 16 oz. cups! Write your senator, congressmen - even Barack Obama. He can lower the levels of the ocean, surely he can force Kum & Go to offer 16 oz. cups! Think about it...you know it's true.
Breathe in, breathe out...this week's rant is over.
Here's the deal, when I go someplace - Starbuck's, McDonald's, my house or a gas station - I drink a 16 oz. cup of coffee. I need more that 12 ounces but a I can't drink 20 ounces fast enough - it gets cold before I finish it. Therefore, 16 ounces is juuust right.
Which brings me to Kum & Go. There are a lot of these stores in Iowa - you can hardly drive by a street corner where there isn't one there - "keeping you on the go."
BUT...and this is the problem - they don't carry 16 ounce cups in ANY of the stores. Believe me, I pay attention. They have 12 ounce cups, 20 ounce cups, hell, they even have 24 ounce cups...But NO 16 ounce cups. Completely unacceptable. What the heck kind of gas station doesn't have 16 ounce cups? Why? What could possibly be the reason? I worked in a gas station for nearly 10 years and I can say with complete confidence - it is a very popular size. It simply doesn't make sense. Unless you consider the possibility that it is a complete conspiracy.
I guarantee this is how it works: somewhere in a dark, smoke-filled back room - around a massive conference room table sits the big-wig management along with a nerdy accountant. He's reading a marketing research study that has found that 99% of the people who want to buy a 16 oz. cup of coffee will instead buy a 20 oz. cup of coffee when a 16 ounce cup is not an option. So if they simply don't offer a 16 oz. cup, they'll sell more 20 oz. cups at 25 cents more cup. This equates to millions of dollars per year in additional revenue for Kum & Go.
See? This is how it works...so, they don't offer me 16 oz. cups - which pisses me off. Thus, for about three years now, I have been personally boycotting this store until they provide me with a 16 oz. cup for my coffee.
Friends and neighbors, I refuse to conform to the kind of cup Kum & Go thinks I should use. I refuse to fit into the mold that their nerdy accountants say I should. I am that 1% of consumers who WILL NOT buy a 20 oz cup when all I really want is a 16 oz. cup. Stand up people! Stand up to the evil Kum & Go overlords that want us to be mind-numb slaves to their corporate mold. Here's our chance to rebel and make a difference. Demand 16 oz. cups! Write your senator, congressmen - even Barack Obama. He can lower the levels of the ocean, surely he can force Kum & Go to offer 16 oz. cups! Think about it...you know it's true.
Breathe in, breathe out...this week's rant is over.
1 comments:
You're right - 16 oz is the most popular size! We go through 16 oz cups more than the other 2 sizes (12 & 20 oz) combined some days. What you should really do is just start drinking some quality Caribou coffee. I'm pretty sure that would solve all your problems. :)
Post a Comment