A New Year's Rant: Top 10 List
Happy New Year, everyone. I've always thought that the week between Christmas and New Year should be a "national vacation week." Nobody is ever in a mood to work. I took this week off and have been bumming around pretty much the whole time. Anyway, as I've been bumming around - reading stuff online, watching TV, reading the paper, etc. I have been increasingly annoyed by all of these stupid "top 10 [fill in blank] of 2008" lists that are everywhere I look. It's no wonder all of these media outlets are going bankrupt. Talk about laziness. Here's a sampling of what I've seen...
- 10 Things Obama Could do to Help People
- 10 Best Bodywatch Tips of 2008
- 10 Celebrities we Lost in 2008
- The top 10 worst Fashion Flubs of 2008
- Best Vacation Pics of 2008
- Top News Stories of '08
- Top 5 Viral Videos of 2008
- Top Political Stories of 2008
- Top Business Stories of 2008
- Top 10 Dumb Things Said in 2008
- Top 10 Websites of 2008
- Top 10 Scandals of 2008
- Top 10 Movies of 2008
- Top 10 Top 10 Lists of 2008
- Top 10 Photos of 2008
- Top 10 Places to Go in 2008
10. $39 Shop Vacs. If you don't think that this blog has the power to change lives, this rant was for you. After a desperate, hopeless attempt to score a cheap, black-Friday Shop Vac at Menard's, this rant practically wrote itself. Guess who got a new Shop Vac for Christmas? Boo-yeah.
9. Olympics. Nothing is more dangerous than when a massive chunk of the world agrees. Think about it. I realize I'm the only one, but I hate the olympics. The magic, the pageantry - the fake, media-created, pseudo-religious pilgrimage feel of it all. Kind of creeps me out.
8. Halloween. Oh boy, I had almost forgot about this one. What is wrong with America when we can't even trick or treat on HALLOWEEN!? Screw the economy, we're talking about the very fabric of our society and culture! Beggar's Night? Whatever. If you really want to scare people, go to West Des Moines and try and trick-or-treat on the REAL Halloween night. You'll probably get arrested.
7. Kum & Go. The one-man boycott rolls into another year. The inconvenience continues. About a month ago, I was with a friend who stopped at a Kum & Go. Not wanting to look like a freak, I said nothing and went in. Primarily I went in to verify their cup selection. Still no 16 oz. cups. I left.
6. Feet. Eww. So nasty.
5. Iowa Smoking Ban. Ah, here's one that pre-dates the formal, IBC Rant. If you don't live in Iowa, it's difficult to describe the stupidity of the Iowa legislature. I could write for hours. Anyway, in an effort protect "public health," the legislature banned smoking in all "public" places, regardless of who owned the property. So all over the state, businesses, schools and offices had to buy little stickers to put up everywhere saying "No Smoking." In fact, it's illegal to NOT have a "No Smoking" sign. The session is set to start, so I'm sure we'll have a rant or two coming up...
4. Crocs. Essentially, Crocs are like some kind of illegal narcotic. Unless you've ever worn a pair, apparently, you can never understand what it's like. The moment you start ripping on them, you'll hear from people who have opinions on nothing else, sticking up for them. "But they're so comfortable!" I almost can't wait for 15 years from now when all these croc-wearers are looking back at the photos from today and say stuff like, "what can I say, it was the turn of the century?"
3. Bailouts. As you probably know, since this rant was written, it's only gotten worse. The only upside is that it guarantees that there will be plenty of rantworthy material for 2009.
2. Obama Cultists. Harkening back to #9, Barry Obama is like a one man, four-year long, olympic opening ceremony. You may begin to understand how I feel. What's more, the sheeple that follow him around. This rant sums up my feelings towards this unique group of people. So full of hope. So full of belief. So full of cultish-like chants. So full of...well, you get the idea.
1. The Shawn Johnson Experience. Oh, brother. Don't get me started.
There you have it. The lazy, media-imitating, I-don't-want-to-work-this-week-so-I'll-write-something-I've-already-written-this-year, bloggers top-ten list. This is how they do it. And it passes as original material and fills up the hours, pages and bandwidth.
Friends and neighbors, we can do better. Demand better. No more worthless, rehashed top 10 lists! Make it stop!
Breathe in, breathe out...this week's rant is over.
1 comments:
Only two changes I can see to your top 10 list. There are TWO people that hate the olympics - you AND me. And the one-man boycott of Kum & Go is really a one man and one woman boycott - I hate those guys.
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