The Januaries

In the ocean, there is an area referred to by sailors as, "the Doldrums."  The Doldrums are the Doldrums because the winds in this area along the equator are nearly nonexistent.  Back in the day, ships would often get trapped in this area for days or weeks as they waited for wind to pick up.

There is a lesser known, lesser meteorological, lesser scientific phenomenon that appears in Iowa - and I'd bet just about any place north of about 40 degrees latitude.  It's something I like to refer to as "The Januaries."  The Januaries is to Iowans what the Doldrums is to sailors - long, boring, depressing, exhausting, dark and dreary. 

The Januaries is the time of each year between about the first week of January and mid to late March.  Winter is bad no matter when it is, but early on it's a bit more tolerable.  You have the festive holiday season where it's nice sometimes to turn on the fireplace, watch a movie and perhaps drink some egg nog.  But after about, oh, I'd say, January 3...it's gets old.  By the end of January, it's real old.  By the first of March, many people have literally lost their mind.  I am no exception.

People deal with the Januaries in different ways.  Many, over the age of 60, will flee to places such as Arizona or south Florida.  Some will drink heavily.  Some will embrace the frigid temperatures and pass the times with hobbies such as ice fishing, hockey, or skiing.  Many will go into some kind of self-imposed hibernation and basically lock themselves in their house for three months and wait it out.  Still others (usually younger) will divide the Januaries up by taking off to Mexico, the Caribbean or Hawaii for a couple weeks (often in February sometime). 

Except for fleeing to Arizona or south Florida for the season, I've basically tried them all.  However, everything else is just a band-aid - the Januaries are bad.

So it begins.  As I write this it is January 5.  The Januaries have just started.  You can count on the Januaries to only get worse until that hellish weekend in early-mid February when their is neither an NFL game nor a NASCAR race.  Only after this point will a dim light begin to appear at the end of an otherwise deep, dark tunnel.

In many ways right now is a turning point - a point of decision.  How will I survive the Januaries?  Like a sailor adrift in an ocean with no wind - I have a decision to make.  Flea or fight.  The propane guy just left from filling my tank with 438.8 sweet, sweet gallons of propane.  So at least I'll have plenty of...uhh...gas for the coming months.  Anne will appreciate that. 

Maybe Mexico.  Maybe Florida - I wouldn't mind a little trip to the Dry Tortugas.  Maybe I'll pick up a 30-pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon and a Mark Twain novel after work tomorrow.  Maybe I'll listen to a little Jimmy Buffett.  That always settles my mood.  Of course, the lake has several inches of ice on it - expanding by the day.  Maybe I'll take my PBR and go ice fishing.

Either way, we're all in this thing together.  The Januaries roll on.