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Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Friday, May 15, 2009
One Spring Day...
I overheard a guy talking the other day on the phone to his wife or son…not sure. He was getting ready to build a deck. He was talking about how the lumber would be arriving the next day and that it was going to be delivered to the edge of their driveway.
The last thing he said to whomever was that he wants to have it moved into the garage until they could get it built so that the lumber wouldn’t get wet and so “some building inspector doesn’t drive by” and start snooping around.
I have nothing against building inspectors. I have nothing against building codes. What does bother me is that some guy, minding his own business, not hurting anybody, can’t have a pile of lumber sitting on his driveway without being afraid that some government bureaucrat is going to drive by and start asking questions…
Knock, knock, knock…POUND, POUND, POUND.
“Uh, yes…?”
“Hello. I am zee local Federal Building Code Complicance Coordinator for zheees sec-tor of Vest Des Moines. Vhile driving by, vee noticed that you seem to have a pile of lumber stacked in in your drivevay.”
“Uh, yeah. So?”
“Vell, vee seem to have a small problem. I’ve cross-referenced your name, address and phone number against zee Federal Building Code Compliance and Homeland Security Database and you don’t seem to have any Building Permission Authorization Permits pending. Are you avare of zis?
Uhhh…well, I guess, well, maybe I forgo…
Zis is just vhat I suspected! You vere planning on building an unauthorized, unapproved, free standing structure vithout zee approval of zee Federal Building Code Compliance Board! Vee have no other option zhan to confiscated zis lumber and report you to zee Federal Building Code Compliance Board Enforcement Agency. Vonce zheir done vith you, you von’t forget again.
This is crazy!
SILENCE! Under Article Tvelve of zee Federal Building Code Compliance, Security and Infrastructure Stabilization Act, you have zero right to speak! In fact, zee FBCCBEA is on its vay right now to come in and take a little look around. I have no doubt they vill find Rush Limbaugh presets on your radio, zee Drudge Report on your computer and a copy of zee Bill of Rights somewhere in zhis house!
Listen, Mister, I didn’t mean -
Silence, criminal! Zee Dear Leader, Barack Obama, has outlined a new federal program for people like you. If you like to build things so vell, vee have just zee right place for you. You like tropical islands? Vell, vee have just released all of the harmless, innocent terrorists from a little camp in Guantanamo Bay. Zhere is plenty of room for you zhere. Vee can use your strong back and construction skills to build zee new “Federal Building Code Compliance, Re-education and Security Detention Facility.” Ve’ll see how far your leetle Bill of Rights get you zhere.
Vonce ve’re done vith you, you’ll be more zhan ready to help build zee Dear Leader’s new Low Income Housing Casino and Resort. A very lovely place – right in zee heart of Detroit. Come along now!
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Happy Birthday, G.I. Joe!
The Iowa Blog Cabin would like to wish the U.S. Army a happy 234th birthday! In case you're doing the math, 234 years ago was 1775.
Read more...Tuesday, May 12, 2009
The Crystal Ball: Chet 2010
Editor's note: This article is our best David Yepsen impression...with an IBC twist.
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Pour another cup of coffee, it's time to talk campaign politics. The Iowa Blog Cabin loves Chet Culver. Not as a Governor, coach, substitute teacher, "big lug," Secretary of State, chief executive or rich frat boy. Chet Culver is the Barney Fife of American governors. He's lovable. Remember Barney? Always screwing stuff up, messing around, dropping his one bullet and needing Andy to step in and save the day. This is Chet Culver.
But who's going to be Andy? This is the topic on top of my mind. Obviously, Chester's running again. The Dems are stuck with him. I was reading the other day about his 42% approval rating...(only a 66% approval among Democrats!)...a good place for a Repubican to start. But we can't read too much into it at this point. There are still 42% of Iowans who think this guy is a good governor.
Let's talk names: Doug Gross, Christopher Rants, Bob Vander Plaats, Rod Roberts, Steve King and Jeff Lamberti.
Doug Gross won't run. Although quite possibly the best candidate (politically), who could raise the most money, etc., he won't run for a single reason...he's chicken. By chicken I mean, and this is just my gut from watching him, he's afraid of losing twice. A guy loses once, no biggie. You can still go on TV, be the "voice" of Republicans, get a lot of media attention, throw your weight around, etc., etc. He likes this. But, if he runs and loses AGAIN, this could diminish him as a media darling. This fear will overcome any desire he has to run.
Christopher Rants...former Iowa House Speaker. He's going to run. And lose. I think there's a lot of Republicans in Iowa who are ready for him to go away, not least of which - the entire editorial board of the IBC. This party exhaustion will doom him from the start.
BVP. How many times has this guy ran? Six? Seven? I can't even remember at this point. He's obviously running...and, just like the other 10 times he's ran, he'll lose. But he'll crack some great jokes about his witty kids.
Rod Roberts. Won't run. Who cares...?
Steve King. This is interesting. I would like to see Culver and King go mano-a-mano. I think it would be fun to watch. King's my Congressman, and I love him. But my suspicion is that he doesn't quite have the tact he needs to run successfully statewide - although I think he could certainly win the nomination if the landscape stays the same. He has a propensity to say some things that blow peoples' hair back (most of which I completely agree with) - the kind of western Iowa plain-speaking that will turn off the eastern Iowa tea-sippers. My prediction is he won't run at all. He's got a nice cushy, safe seat in Congress - even after the Dems get done gerrymandering the districts in a couple years - and hardly needs to raise money.
Which brings us to Jeff Lamberti. I think he'll run. I think he'll get the nomination. I think he'll beat Culver. There, I said it. I was never a huge fan of Lamberti until he ran against Boswell a few years back. If it hadn't been such a nasty year for Republicans, generally, he might very well have won. At the very least he gave Boswell a run for his money. As an observer, he seemed to run a very solid, well organized campaign. He was able to raise money and genuinely compete with Boswell. He'll be able to bring social and fiscal conservatives together and I think most importantly for this upcoming election - he seems very level headed. A "steady hand" at the wheel, so to speak. By the fall of 2010, people are going to be ready to have an adult back in the governor's office.
Obviously, there are a few other names floating around out there. Somebody could easily become a blip on the radar (Vaudt, Northey, etc.). But..Lamberti would be a very solid candidate. Although the IBC is not endorsing Lamberti at this time, if he runs, he'll win.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Moms: A Semi-True Story
Editor's note: The Friday Rant is taking this week off so we can offer you a special, Mother's Day, Semi-true story. Enjoy!
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As I've mentioned before, in 1996, immediately after graduating from high school, a friend and I hopped in my 1990 Chevy S-10 and drove to Alaska. The trip has given me plenty of semi-true stories. One in particular has always stuck with me, and seems especially appropriate, given this weekend is Mother's Day.
We had been driving for exactly one day when it happened. Just outside of the Little Bighorn Battlefield in Montana. We were cruising down I-90 when several Mule Deer jumped across the road and up the hillside. I successfully swerved around all of them - except one. WHAM-O!
I pulled into the parking lot of the Little Big Horn Battlefield and rolled to a stop. Nervously, I looked over at my friend Jason. "This could be the end of the road...Just like Custer." We got out and looked around. I had been going pretty slow (becauase of the deer), so the deer smashed my grill out, bent up the hood and bent in the headlights, but that was about it. My radiator was completely exposed and the headlights could be adjusted, so we were still in business.
We hopped back in and started down the road across Montana. Carefully. Our objective for the day was to drive all the way up to Calgary, Alberta. As we drove we realized we were going to need a grill - something to keep all of the bugs out of the radiator. Before we crossed into Canada, I stoped at a hardware store and bought a roll of mesh window screen to fabricate into a grill.
That night we made it to Calgary, but it rained the whole time. We decided to put on the "new grill" the next night - in Fort St. John, B.C. From Calgary, we drove north through Edmonton and then cut northwest, in the general direction of Alaska. The beauty of the drive can't be understated. We drove all day long and found a small campground on the edge of Fort St. John, B.C. We got all set up for the night. As we sat there eating our dinner we noticed right next to us was this funny little camper. It was a van, actually. But a very strange van/camper combo. As I recall, it looked a lot like one of those old-school aluminum windstream campers, only, a van - everything was very rounded. We sat and talked about how goofy the van was and kind of laughed - only in Canada...
After dinner we went over to the truck and began to "fix" the truck. Up north there are a LOT of bugs. We unrolled the screen and began to screw it into where the old grill had been. It wasn't pretty, but it worked. As we were finishing up, an old guy from the goofy camper next to us walked over and introduced himself. He was a really nice guy - a retired Colonel in the Canadian Air Force, he said. He asked what we were doing and we explained the whole story - George Custer, the deer, Montana and Alaska. He thought it was all pretty cool. He explained to us that he and his wife were on their way to Alaska, too. Just out cruising around in their retirement.
We sat there for a long time talking about stuff - like we'd known each other for a long time. He told us a few old Cold War stories (of which, we had none). Talked about Iowa - I remember he had been to the Air Force base in Bellevue, Nebraska, once. His wife eventually came out of the camper, where she'd been cleaning up from dinner. She was amazed at how "young" we were. I guess we were just a couple baby-faced Iowa guys, fresh out of high school. She made sure that we had plans to call our Mothers and keep them updated on our travels. We promised we would.
We all turned in for the night, got up in the morning, waved good-bye and left the campground. From Fort St. John, we still had another two days of driving before we'd reach Tok, Alaska - just across the border from Canada. Giddy-up.
From Fort St. John, the trip really turns into an adventure. Through the mountains of British Columbia, the forests of the Yukon and, eventually, the Alaska border. We pulled into Tok for the night...we made it.
As we'd been doing for the past week, we pulled out our gear, set up camp and got settled in. I think I had Dinty Moore beef stew that night. It was a forested campground - a KOA, I think. But as I sat there, taking a look at the surroundings, there it was. We had driven over 1,200 miles, since Fort St. John, crossing a good chunk of North America, but that weird old camper was sitting right across from us again. Unbelieveable. It wasn't long before the old Colonel and his wife came walking up the road and noticed us. One of the craziest coincidences of my life...or was it? We welcomed the old Canadian to America and asked them how their trip had been. We talked about the last couple days, everything we'd seen and how tiring it had been.
The old lady asked us if we'd called our Mothers. You could almost see her imagining herself in the same situation - wondering where her kid was. She asked us if we had enough food (we did) and if there was anything we needed (we didn't). You could tell she cared.
At the end of the night, we all went our separate ways, sure we wouldn't ever see each other again. The next morning we were getting all packed up and there she was, coming out of their little camper, walking across the road towards us. In her hands she was carrying two enormous muffins. To this day, I haven't seen anything like them - let alone while I was out camping. She walked up to me and handed me the plate with these two gigantic, piping hot muffins. She wished us luck and we thanked her for the food.
She turned back and said, "Just remember. You can alway get away from your mother. But, you'll never get away from a mother."
True enough.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Flower Power
You know, it's spring. A time when the birds chirp, the grass grows and flowers bloom. All kinds of flowers. In fact, one of my least favorite towns in all the planet - Pella - has their famous festival this weekend: Pella Tulip Time. Wee! Sure, tulips are pretty, but they're a flash-in-the-pan kind of flower. The bottle rocket of the botanical world. SCREEEEECH! BANG! Wow. It's over. That's a tulip for you.
But I think this world needs a festival in honor of the strongest, toughest flower of them all - the dandelion. I kind of see the dandelion as "the workin' man's flower." The Rocky Balboa of flowerdom. You mow it, it comes back - the next day. You pull it, three more replace it. You fertilize. It gets stronger. I'd like to propose the "Dexter Dandelion Daze." A festival that recognizes the generations of oppression that the dandelion has experienced - only to emerge stronger.
We'll sell bouquets of dandelions, dandelion wine, have parades with floats covered with dandelions. We'll import buses packed full of old ladies to buy our stuff - dandelion crafts, a new dessert we'll invent called "Dandelion Letters," and of course celebrate our ethnic heritage. After all, dandelions originated "somewhere in Eurasia." We'll build this festival into the powerhouse of all flower festivals. Perhaps we'll even land our own New Year's Day bowl game!
Then, when they least expect it, we'll sneak into Pella late at night with trash bags full of dandelions - thousands upon thousands of them. We'll then blow them all over town - spreading their seeds far and wide. The tulips will be doomed.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Republiconia Update
You may recall a couple months ago I wrote about my dream for a paradise...A paradise called "Republiconia." In this vision, I mentioned that the states of Texas, Oklahoma and Louisiana would be a nice place to set up this eden of federalism.
Well, it looks like one more piece of the puzzle is coming together down in Oklahoma: "House bypasses governor’s veto to claim Oklahoma’s sovereignty." You may recall that this comes on the heels of the state of Texas doing about the exact same thing last month. Yipee!
A few more pieces of the puzzle left - and Republiconia will be a reality!
Your Mid-Week Quick Hits
Here's a few mid-week, spring is here, quick hits...
No Prayer day for the Dear Leader - "Obama to be prayer day no-show." The IBC asks, why should he? Gods don't pray.
The Dems newest junior senator - "Specter Will Be Junior Democrat on Committees." I can't believe the Democrats lied to him like this! I am outraged!
Environmentalist wacko nutjobs are trying (again) to better define the terms that describe the horrible things we're doing to the earth - "What Green Means."
Never letting a crisis go to waste - "Obama seeks $63 billion for world health."
An interesting article on my new favorite car company, Ford - "Ford Brings New Focus to Small-Car Market." I like it - just don't expect ME to buy one of those tiny, ugly, nasty, electric cars. I'll stick with my SUV.
And the BIG news...Collin Darrah is growing like a weed. Working on two teeth this week. He's now able to pull himself up and scoot himself down the length of the couch. Sometimes one-handed. Sometimes, one-handed while holding a small puppy and drinking a bottle. Okay, I made that last part up.
Monday, May 4, 2009
Bud Update
When last we left Bud, he was just a little guy. In the last week, things have really been popping. Take a look...
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| From Bud |
April 28, 2009
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| From Bud |
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| From Bud |
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| From Bud |
May 2, 2009
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| From Bud |
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| From Bud |
I'm guessing by next week, we'll see a few leaves. It's looking like Bud is going to sprout into about three leaves. Read more...
Pig Flu
Well, it looks like we might not all die from the pig flu after all. You see, the media can only keep the crisis simmering for at most a week, before it's time to evolve the story and find a new angle. Apparently, the new angle is that, uhhh, it's not much different from any other flu. Now there's a surprise.
Could it be that maybe, just maybe, the entire thing was hyped up so to become an opportunity to scare the bejesus out of people so that maybe they'd buy more newspapers, watch more TV news and demand action from the Dear Leader? All answers are pointing to 'yes.' Perhaps it was just a cabal by the medical supply company lobby so they could sell more medical face masks? :)
But just when it appears the story has been vastly over-hyed, we have a genius at the U.N. warning, the "second wave" could be worse! O-M-G! "THE SKY IS FALLING, THE SKY IS FALLING! Oh wait, it's not. BUT IT SURE COULD!! You should still be scared!" Give me a break, people.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Happy Days
Now that was a weekend. Sunny and warm for two solid days. Good stuff. I got quite a bit done today, actually. Finished up a couple chairs that I'm going to deliver tomorrow. Mowed. Tilled my garden. Fixed the bearings on my mower. We even have a couple new trees here at the Iowa Blog Cabin! On Friday a bought a Quaking Aspen and an October Glory Maple. I hope to get a couple more before the season's over. I'll post some pictures soon.
It was nice to FINALLY have a nice weekend. It FINALLY feels like spring!
Friday, May 1, 2009
Friday's Rant: Cookie Monster
Well, it's been quite a week. We have more bailout, bankrupt auto makers...and, dread of dreads, pig flu!! Here at the Iowa Blog Cabin, we're hanging in there. None of the editorial board has reported coming down with the pig flu. We toss it up to the fine, steady hand of Chet Culver.
But you wanna know what's bothering me right now? Cookie Monster. Yep, that big, blue, furry, muppet. I'm not sure when it happened, but apparently, so I'm told, he doesn't devour massive amounts of cookies like he use to. Cookies are a "sometimes snack." Are you kidding me? Forgive me if I'm behind the times, it's been a while since I've watched Sesame Street.
I thought about this when I read today that Chet "Butter Burger" Culver has signed the and the state is beginning to implement new rules for "junk food" in schools. Apparently, no pop, only healthy snacks and none where sugar and fat make up more that 35 percent of the calories.
Things sure have changed since I was a kid. When I was a kid, we were thrilled on peanut butter sandwich day - and I'm not talking about Jiffy or Skip. I'm talking Gub'ment peanut butter. Straight out of the five gallon bucket. And we were THANKFUL.
I digress, we're turning into a country of wusses. Cookie monster can't eat cookies. We have to regulate the snacks in vending machines...Hey, I have an idea. Exercise. What happened to jogging and jumping jacks - and Pinball Wizard (the greatest game ever, by the way)? Huh? Kids have the metabolic rate of jackrabbits - they'll burn of those calories. Seriously, folks.
In honor of the one, true Cookie Monster:
Breathe in, breathe out...this week's rant is over.
Monday, April 27, 2009
The Story of Bud
In the front yard of the Iowa Blog Cabin is a huge oak tree. I've named it Goliath. Goliath is a big guy. Well, on a small - tiny - little branch of Goliath, is Bud. This year, we're going to watch the life and times of Bud. He's just a little guy right now.
Here's a picture of bud on April 23.
Read more...
Here's a picture of Bud on April 24.
Bud on April 25
Bud on April 27
It was too wet to go out and check on Bud on Sunday (it rained constantly), but I'm going to keep my eye on him all through the season. Keep checking back for updates.
Here's a pic of Goliath showing the location of Bud.
BONUS! We want your predictions! Post a comment now predicting what day this Fall Bud's leaf will flutter helplessly to the ground. I predict October 7. The one with the right answer wins fabulous prizes!Friday, April 24, 2009
Friday's Rant: The Earth
All good things come to an end. Here we are at the end of Earth Love Week '09. It's been a great week - we've celebrated the many earthly resources that humanity utilize in order to create a better life: coal, oil, natural gas, wildlife, forests and oceans - just to name a few.
Although the use of these resources have given us all a better life, improved our life expectancy and fueled the growth our nation, there is a group of people who oppose it. They are called environmentalists. To the environmentalists, there is not a greater blight on the earth than humanity - more specifically - western, white, capitalist, primarily American, humans. To them, the best case scenario would be complete human extinction.
Understanding the unlikelyhood of this scenario, they try and go about things a little differently. They've refined their goals to primarily thrust at taking western culture to something as closely resembling the stone age as possible - sans the clothing from animal fur, that's cruel.
But I digress. The ultimate goal of environmentalists has very little to do with the earth. In fact, they really could care less. Using the earth and the "green movement" is little more than a means to an end. That end being control. You see, the greatest enemy to the environmentalist is freedom. The idea that people have the ability to decide the cars they drive, the temperature they keep their thermostat set at, the grocery bags they use, the light bulbs they have, the amount (and type) of energy they use, how far from "city centers" they live, where they shop, how they shop, what they spend their money on, what they insulate their house with, how much water they drink, what they drink their water out of, how a nation utilizes its own natural resources, what kind of toilet paper they wipe their butts with, what they eat, how they eat it, the CO2 they exhale, how fat they are, what they do with their spare time and how many children they "choose" to have is an unspeakable threat to the environmentalist. They wake up every single day thinking up new ways to control the behavior of every single indvidual in the western world.
Their ration for wanting to control all of this behavior? The decisions we make about our thermostats, the number of children we have, the car we drive and the toilet paper we use impacts all of us and the world we live in. It's not a private decision, but a common issue that can't be left up to the individual to decide.
This rant isn't simply the paranoia of someone the Dear Leader would describe as a "bitter clinger," or who Janet Nepalitano would describe as a "right-wing extremist." It's reality. Individual freedom, democracy, free choice and capitalism are absolutely contrary to the objectives of the environmentalist.
A few recent headlines:
Is Being Overweight a Climate Problem?
Coal burning must end, says scientist
One in Three Children Fear Earth Apocalypse
Senator calls cap-and-trade 'the most significant revenue-generating proposal of our time'
Trees are growing faster and could buy time to halt global warming
God 'will not give happy ending'
So in order to dismantle freedom, democracy and capitalism, the environmentalist goes about their day working to frighten enough people into thinking that we - more specifically - western culture is destroying the world. The glaciers are melting! The glaciers are melting! Sea levels are rising! Global temperatures are warming! Islands are sinking! CO2 levels are out of control - QUICK! Everyone stop breathing! Plastic water bottles are destroying the world! SUVs burn too much gas! Fat people use more carbon and demand too many resources!
Since the environmentalist doesn't really have a clue, they can't define the problem or the nature of a solution. For a couple decades it was called "global warming." But, when people pointed out that the world wasn't really warming - and in some places actually cooling, they changed their term - "global climate change." Ah, yes, global climate change...a much more vague term that can be applied to literally anything that happens. The ice cap is expanding in Antarctica? Three feet of snow in Denver in the middle of April? Glaciers in Alaska getting bigger? Well of course! These sorts of thing can be expected as global climate change takes root. It will impact different parts of the world differently. You see how it works? A nice little term that can always be used to "confirm" their theories.
Since the earth has nothing to do with environmentalism, they care little about an ultimate solution. Ask an environmentalist what the perfect, ideal, world would look like...If we implemented every single thing that they are trying to cram down our throats - would it actually solve ANYTHING? No. You see, solving the global climate change threat is a moving target and outlining or, heaven forbid, finding a solution to it would be bad for their movement.
Obviously, I'm not a scientist. But you wanna know who else isn't a scientist? Al Gore and most environmentalists! I'm not saying the climate isn't changing - what I am saying is the likelihood humanity is having even half the impact we're TOLD we're having is wrong. If you believe you're saving the world by changing the light bulbs in your house - you're crazy. No offense
But you see, unlike most environmentalists, liberals and Democrats, I'm pro-choice. Just like I believe I should be able to choose the light bulbs, grocery bags and car I drive, I believe that if people think all of this crap is doing some good, however wrong they may be, I let them do it. Go ahead, pay more for your car, light bulbs and energy if it makes you feel good. Sell your house, all your possessions and go live in a cave while you're at it. I won't stop you. But just because you think you're saving the world, don't tell me I'm destroying it just because I don't buy your snake oil theories. I'm reminded of something one of my favorite history teachers of all time use to say - "There's nothing more dangerous that somebody with a cause."
Friends and neighbors, do what you think is best. If you really think that the car you drive is responsible for the planet warming, melting the poles and killing polar bears 5,000 miles away, there's probably not much anybody can say that will change your mind. If you think letting a bunch of whining, bitching, Marxists who've never had a real job in their entire life tell you how to run yours will save the planet - go for it. There is not a greater threat to freedom and prosperity on this planet than militant environmentalism. For me, I'm more concerned about environmentalism, and their impact on my life and freedom, than I am of Al Qaeda, Iran, North Korea, Vlad Putin, Hugo Chavez and the boogie man, combined.
Breathe in, breathe out that sweet, sweet CO2...this week's rant is over.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Thought of the Day: "Green Movement"
Quick! Somebody uses the term "green movement" - what is the first thing that pops into your head?
"Oh, sure. A green movement. Collin has those sometimes."
No, no, no...not those kind of movements. We're talking about the earth. The movement to make everything we do "good for the environment." Sustainable, if you will.
Environmentalists as we know them today, are a case study in liberal clichés and utter hypocrisy. Case-in-point:
At the Iowa Blog Cabin, for better or worse, we tend to watch a lot of HGTV. So last Sunday, we're watching this show about this couple that wants to improve the curb appeal of their home - landscape, front porch, etc. BUT, they want to do it in a way that is completely "eco-friendly" and "sustainable."
They begin the project by cutting down the tree in their front yard. Uhh... They then proceed to rip out four huge bushes that were in front of their porch. Uhh... They then rip up half the grass in their yard, all the way down to bare dirt. Uhh... Once they completed their environmental destruction, it was time to save the earth. They constructed a new porch out of some kind of earth-friendly, recylced, reused, plastic composite. Great. They ripped up their old walkway and replaced it with a new one made of "reclaimed" stone. However, they weren't able to get enough reclaimed stone, so they had to buy new. The host's reaction to this non-eco-friendly purchase, "It's okay, you tried to buy eco-friendly. That's all that matters."
Uhh, no it's not! I yelled. We're saving the BLEEPING earth here!
No matter. The earth saving continued. They planted some flowers in the freshly barren dirt patch (including building a new retaining wall to catch the run-off and erosion caused by the lack of GRASS in the yard). In order to make sure these newly planted organic children thrive, they topped the new flower bed off with - the pièce de résistance - organic free-range chicken poop fertilizer (I'm totally serious). You see, it's free range. It's better for the earth.
After they were done, the stood in the street, patted each other on the back and congratulated each other on a job well done. They had improved the curb appeal of the house - sustainably. In an eco-friendly way. Ignore the fact they cut down trees, ripped out bushes, ripped out grass in order to do so. They felt good.
What's more eco-friendly, class? Doing what these people did, or doing nothing at all?
One more example of how completely insane these people are. Don't get me wrong, if you want to cut your trees down, I don't care. If you want to build a new porch, go for it. If you want to rip up all your grass so you can lay in the front yard and make dirt angels, I won't stop you.
But don't tell me you're saving the earth.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Thought of the Day: Sustainability
I am absolutely sick of the term "sustainability." I have for a long time. It's one more - of the MANY - useless, meaningless, vague terms that the environmental wackos are unwilling to precisely define - until, of course, they decide they want to decide a particular practice "unsustainable."
Farming practices, energy policy, home construction, landscaping, grocery bags, paint, carpet, the "non-organic" food we eat are just a few items that have been deemed unsustainable. Of course, you must surrender your freedom, free choice and personal preferences and march lock step with this mob of mind numb robots if your lifestyle ever has a chance of being declared sustainable.
So the other day I'm listening to NPR. They were talking about this group that goes around the world telling "stupid," "moron" farmers that the way they are farming, growing their food and providing for their families is unsustainable. During this story, they followed this group around as they talked with a bunch Indian cotton farmers.
The 20-something hippie environmentalist who had never grown anything except pot in his mom's basement explained to these farmers about how the way they were growing their cotton was unsustainable. The naïve Indian farmer ignorantly responded, "How is our farming practices unsustainable? My people have been growing cotton like this for over 3,000 years." Stupid Indian...he just didn't get it.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
George Carlin - Saving the Planet
Editor's note: The IBC strives to be a "family friendly" media outlet. There are a couple words in this video that a person might consider "dirty." Regardless, it's very much worth watching.
This video is spot on and a great way to kick of Earth Love Week '09.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Hear Ye, Hear Ye!
IOWA BLOG CABIN RESOLUTION NO. 1BY THE ENTIRE IBC EDITORIAL BOARD
APRIL 19, 2009
An IBC Resolution declaring April 19 – 25 the first annual Earth Love Week.
WHEREAS, the earth was founded nearly 5 billion years ago, by God, whoever she is; and
WHEREAS, to the best of our knowledge, this is the only one there is; and
WHEREAS, the entire editorial board of the Iowa Blog Cabin loves the earth; and
WHEREAS, the earth has always held a special place in our hearts and is more than a giant blue ball spinning around a giant yellow ball; and
WHEREAS, by “love,” we mean we love catching fish so we can eat them and we love to cut down trees so we can build cool stuff in the Old Confederate Workshop and we love to drill for sludgy black oil so we can drive around in big SUVs on the roads we’ve paved and we love to mine for coal so that we can put it on trains and take it to power plants to generate electricity that we use to power our air conditioners and big screen TVs and we love to trap fury little woodland creatures that we can skin and use their pelts for fur coats and, last but not least, we love to hide in the weeds and shoot cute little ducks as they fly by so we can force dogs to go fetch them so we can pluck and eat them; NOW THEREFORE,
BE IT RESOLVED BY THE IOWA BLOG CABIN, that the Iowa Blog Cabin acknowledges the earth on the nearly 5 billionth anniversary of its existence.
BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED, that the Iowa Blog Cabin establishes April 19 – 25 as the official, first annual Earth Love Week for the purposes of bringing enhanced awareness to the existence of the earth, its many trees and plethora of resources and pretty rocks.
Read more...
Friday, April 17, 2009
Friday's Rant: Rain, Rain, Go Away
This week's rant is short and timeless. It has been BEAUTIFUL all week long. Amazing springtime weather - 60s and even 70s with blue skies and sunshine all week long. I look out the window and just wish I was outside right now.
BUT, of course, it's the weekend coming up. I just checked the forecast...Wanna guess the forecast for the weekend? All rain, all weekend - until 6 p.m. on Sunday night. Apparently, the high pressure system that is currently over the great lakes is going to be moving out and letting a low pressure system that is currently over New Mexico move in an cause widespread rain over Iowa - especially the Iowa Blog Cabin. Son-of-a-bleeeep! Of course, starting Monday and all next week it's suppose to be sunny and warm again.
I want sunshine on Saturday, dangit! I want to go outside! I'm tired of looking out my window at nice weather only to wake up to rain on Saturdays! So, please...in your prayers tonight, pray for the high pressure system currently over the great lakes. Pray that it stays in place for another day or so. Pray that Ed Wilson is wrong - it wouldn't be the first time. Thanks.
Breathe in, breathe out...this week's rant is over.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Thought of the Day: Thanks, Joe
Thank you, Joe Biden. Thank you for giving $1,900 to charity last year. I guess when you spend all of your time confiscating other peoples' money, that doesn't leave time for much else.
Read more...Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Tea Parties
Here's an interesting little nugget. A Google map of all the "Tea Parties" going on today. Over 500. Check it out:
2009 Tea Parties
Pretty impressive. Of course, I'm sure these are just right-wing extremists. Watch the media coverage...out of the hundreds of thousands of people participating, if there is one sign they can construe as racist, bigoted, homophobic or whatever, that'll be all we see.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Don't Mess with Texas
Back in the early 1800s, when Texas was a backwater Mexican state, they opened the territory up to Americans for settling. Pretty much the only requirment in those early days was that they promised to convert to Catholicism. This opened the floodgates. Masses of people left their homes throughout the south, abandoned the debt they owed and all of their obligations and left for Texas. When they left for Texas, they would paint three letters on the homes they abandoned - GTT - Gone to Texas. It was a sign to everybody - especially their creditors - they had left the country.
I use to live in Texas and I can say first hand, it really is like another country. Some people who've never been or lived there, don't understand it. Some think it comes across as arrogant. But I love it. It's a lingering attitude from a time when, most states had an independent spirit.
Well, there's a House Concurrent Resolution going through the Texas legislature right now - HCR 50 - that reaffirms the 10th Amendment to the constitution. Here's the video from Gov. Rick Perry's speech:
Also, here's the 10th Amendment to the Constitution: "The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the states, are reserved to the states respectively, or to the people."
And FYI, the fact you've read this now means Homeland Security and the "Janet Reno of the Obama administration," Secretary Janet Nepalitano considers you a right-wing extremist.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Friday's Rant: Dudes that wear that Bluetooth Thingie Hanging Out of Their Head For No Apparent Reason
So the other day I’m at the Super-Duper, Extra Large, Mega Wal-Mart - picking up a few of the bare essentials: bread, milk, Honey Bunches of Oats and and a can of Amp energy drink for the ride home.
As I’m walking down the aisle I see this huge black dude walking in front of me with one of those bluetooth thingies hanging out of his ear. He wasn’t talking on it, it was just there.
The same thing happened a few months ago. Being the good citizen that I am, I went to our local lake association board meeting. The meetings are pretty hilarious, actually, made up of half a dozen little Napoleons getting all worked up about lake depth, ditches and silt ponds – you know, the real weighty issues of governance. As I sat there, one of the astute board members walks in, sits down at the big table and gavels in the meeting. I quickly realized he was the big enchilada - the "El Jefe" of the lake association. Through the entire meeting, this guy had one of those blue tooth thingies hanging out of his ear – during the meeting.
As I sat there, I’m thinking, “Somebody should nudge him and tell him he forgot to take that thing out.” Then about half way through the meeting he reached up and adjusted it in his ear. He knew it was there! I rolled my eyes.
I could go on listing other examples, but I think you get the point - and I'm sure you know what I mean. So I have to ask, what the heck is going on? PEOPLE! If you're walking around with one of those bluetooth thingies hanging out of your ear when you aren't talking on it - or haven't been talking on it for at least five minutes - you've gotta realize something: you look weird. No offense.
I suppose some people think it makes look important - you know, a mover and a shaker. But honestly, folks...If you're some dude walking around Wal-Mart at 12:30 on a Tuesday afternoon shopping for cottage cheese with your three illegitimate kids, you're probably not that big of a deal. No offense.
Breathe in, breathe out...this week's rant is over. Read more...
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Obama Apologizes to Descendents of Barbary Pirates
BREAKING NEWS!
Obama Apologizes to Descendents of Barbary Pirates
Obama stops in Tripoli to apologize to the descendents of Barbary pirates for “unfortunate American aggression.”
TRIPOLI, Libya - In an unexpected move, American President Barack H. Obama made a surprise stop in Tripoli, Libya to meet with Col. Khadafi and descendents of Barbary pirates.
Standing on the “shores of Tripoli,” Obama attempted to repair the damage caused by the two Barbary Wars of the early 19th century.
“This beach is a monument. A monument to what happens when the United States fails to see beyond the barrel of a gun and negotiate, in good faith, with international players. Unfortunately, Presidents Jefferson and Madison did not have the vision to engage in a multilateral dialogue and as a result started not only two wars, but also a long and damaging perception that the U.S. is at war with Islam,” Obama said to a cheering crowd of Libyans chanting “Death to America!” “Today we unite in an effort to begin reversing that perception.”
The motivations and implications of President Obama’s apology weren’t immediately clear. Dr. Richard Shah, Professor Emeritus of North Africa Studies at the University of Southern Vermont commented, “This is a very important admission by an American president and a genuine effort to right the wrongs of past generations and acknowledge what the rest of the world has known for a long time.”
After Obama spoke in Tripoli, Amani Amatullah, a 20 year old woman and direct descendent of Hassan Bey, one of the leaders of the Barbary pirates, spoke with the permission of her 67 year old husband. “Allah be praised! Finally, the American infidels have admitted and apologized for their treachery and arrogance!” When asked if she accepted the President’s apology, she replied, “NEVER! We must continue the work of my descendents and wipe the American infidels from the earth. Unless, of course they are willing to pay us enough money and convert to Islam.”
The first Barbary War began in 1801 when the Barbary Pirates, who had been harassing American trading vessels for years after independence, demanded tribute in order to release the American ships and sailors they had captured and enslaved. The United States refused and war ensued. Obama’s trip marks the first time and American president has visited the site – long a bone of contention between the two nations.
Obama concluded, “When Thomas Jefferson met with the Ambassador from Tripoli he asked him – why are you capturing our sailors in this act of aggression? The ambassador replied, ‘It is written in the Koran, that all nations which had not acknowledged the Prophet were sinners, whom it was the right and duty of the faithful to plunder and enslave; and that every muslim who was slain in this warfare was sure to go to paradise.’ The muslim world laid out a path for peace over 200 years ago – we as Americans have been too arrogant to acknowledge it. Today marks a new era in our relationship.”
With that, Obama was hurried into his bullet proof car where he was whisked into a waiting armor plated helicopter and then on to his massive flying fortress jumbo jet to return to America. The apology marks the latest in a series of apologies he has offered in his whirlwind tour. Great Britain, France, Czech Republic, all of Europe, Asia, Russia, Turkey and Iraq have each received apologies in the last two weeks. The trip has been declared a success.
Monday, April 6, 2009
Seven Angry Liberals
It’s been interesting to watch over the last few days the response to the Iowa Supreme Court’s ruling on gay marriage. Conservatives, Republicans are generally outraged. Liberals, Democrats, Facebookians, Tweeters and other sheep in social media (excluding the IBC, of course) praise it as “equality,” and “acceptance” for an oppressed group that has been unjustly singled out for discrimination.
And of course the media…the whores in the local MSM media are riding this bus ‘til there’s nothing left. In-depth coverage such as the positive angle of gay marriage, the political angle, social angle, cultural angle, religious angle, legal angle and angles of angles are being explored ad hominem. When all angles are exhausted, wait for the stories in a few months: "Gay Marriage, [insert number] Months Later: the Impact on Iowa," etc., etc. How predictable.
But here at the Iowa Blog Cabin, we’re “noticers.” You don’t just get a seat on the editorial board by dropping the terms “social justice,” “equality,” and “human rights” enough times in a conversation.
Let’s be honest…marriage as an institution is not what it once was. Speaking generally about American society at large, marriage is not seen as a lifetime vow, rooted in Christian values, as it once was. For all intents and purposes, marriage today is little more than a legal structure that is used by lawyers to help decide who gets the couch when the couple breaks up. So, to me, I don’t see how gay people getting married is going to further destroy an institution that really isn’t taken serious my most people anyway.
That’s not to say I support gay marriage – I don’t. Primarily because I don’t agree with what society has done to the institution of marriage.
The real threat that last Friday’s ruling represents is an attack on the idea of self-government. The idea that people can decide the laws they want to govern their own culture and society. Last Friday’s ruling was a unanimous decision by seven un-elected individuals who are not accountable to the voters whatsoever. Now in some ways, this distance from the passions of the “mob” is very important for ensuring justice. But when the judiciary is used as a tool for shaping public policy and legislating, this is where it becomes dangerous.
Those who support the ruling make several arguments: One, this is no different than the civil rights movement of the 1960s and, two, this is exactly the kind of thing the court should be ruling on – the constitutionality of laws passed by the legislature.
To me, these points are quite similar in what they represent. First of all, much of the civil rights movement of the 1960 was in fact legislated – through Congress, state legislatures or through the executive branches – each is an institution that directly answers to the people. Additionally, the civil rights movement was an actual movement that, in many places, changed hearts, minds and the culture – by pointing out the genuine oppression and discrimination of an entire race of humanity. In other words, the culture changed, laws changed (although not always in that order) and voters living in these representative governments had a voice.
In Iowa, the voters had this opportunity – and through the legislature – passed a law defining marriage as between one man and one woman. Rather that working to convince Iowans that the law should be changed and creating an environment where gay marriage would be accepted, the gay rights movement worked through the courts to have gay marriage imposed on the people of Iowa. What happened on Friday can be described no other way. This case and ruling had nothing to do with achieving justice. It was, pure and simple, a liberal activist group achieving legislation through the courts that it could not achieve through democratic avenues.
Which brings us to the second argument: it is the role of the Iowa Supreme Court to rule on the constitutionality of laws and that, simply enough, they ruled Iowa’s marriage law unconstitutional because it violated the “equal protection” clause of Iowa’s constitution. This is what we get when judges, their liberal social agenda in mind, see the constitution as a “living document” and don’t look at what the intent was when the amendment was written. Although this case is regarding the state constitution, the exact argument can be made on the federal level.
Our society legislates, regulates, legalizes, criminalizes and defines behavior based on the society’s culture all of the time. Practically, that’s what the Constitution and Declaration of Independence were when they were written. Much of the basis was founded in the idea that the 13 colonies were analogous to 13 “children” of Great Britain. The 13 children had grown up and it was time for them to be independent. The culture of the 13 colonies had developed so that it was genuinely different from that of Great Britain and that the king and parliament no longer represented their interests.
If society doesn’t have the ability to legislate and codify cultural standards and norms it opens the door to a dangerous cultural relativism where, in the end, the rights of one person or a “micro-minority” out-weigh the rights of the entire majority culture. One tiny group or individual set the policy for what the vast majority must accept simply so that one person or group doesn’t have their “equal protection” violated.
This doesn’t mean that the micro-minority group must be oppressed or discriminated against, but simply that every conceivable lifestyle is not considered equal to that of the vast majority. There is a difference between institutionalized racim of past generations and not letting gays get married. Under the Iowa Supreme Court’s logic, explain to me why the polygamist is a criminal? Is his/her equal protection under the constitution not being violated? Why shouldn’t the errant Arkansas hillbilly be permitted to marry his/her cousin? When these comparable examples are brought up to a person who supports gay marriage, they are immediately dismissed as extreme and laughable. But why not? (The answer is as simple as who they tend to vote for…not Democrats.)
Things to think about, Iowa. My problems with gay marriage are many, but the most significant is the fact that the way it is implemented throughout the country is wholly undemocratic and destructive to our idea that we as a people are capable of governing ourselves and creating laws that define our culture.
But each coin has two sides. In the long run, this ruling may set the gay marriage agenda back – significantly. Many states already saw the writing on the wall and passed a constitutional amendment defining marriage. Many others have laws like Iowa had. In nearly every case where a gay marriage ban-type amendment has been brought to a vote, it has passed. Watch to see the number of amendments defining marriage in 2010 that are voted on. There will be a significant number of states that respond to the Iowa ruling by proposing and passing amendments outlining their specific desires.
Gay marriage advocates, right or wrong, could have gotten a lot further by working through the democratic process to attain their goals. By not, and having gay marriage laws imposed on the public, they ensure a much longer fight which will be much harder to legitimately reverse in the court system.
Friday, April 3, 2009
Ol-i-gar-chy [ol-i-gahr-kee]
–noun, plural -chies.
a form of government in which all power is vested in a few persons or in a dominant class or clique; government by the few.
Cap 'N' Trade
Looks like the Dear Leader's Cap and Tax or Cap and Trade or Cap and Bribe or whatever you want to call it took a pretty big hit in the Senate last night. Here's the article in the WSJ - "Cap and Tax Collapse." One victory for the little guys.
Read more...Thursday, April 2, 2009
Wild Kingdom
I'm not sure if I've ever mentioned it, but here at the Iowa Blog Cabin we have a couple cats - Dubya and Daisy. Dubya is a temperamental old lady who I found on the side of a gravel road when she was a tiny kitten. She lumbers around the house, often in a bad mood, just waiting for something to get mad about. Daisy, on the other hand, is a genius. In fact, she's smarter than a lot of the people I know.
Case in point: On the landing going down into our basement, we have their food bowls along with a Rubbermaid bucket full of their food. The lid on this bucket has two latches with a thick plastic lid on it. When Daisy gets hungry, she can walk over to it, unlatch the lid, take it off, jump in and eat her dinner. For the longest time, we'd come home and see the lid on the floor and wonder, "what the heck?" I would blame Anne for leaving the lid off the cat food while she'd blame me. It went on like that for a month or so...
Until one day we heard it...and looked down the stairs, and there she was, taking the lid off, jumping in, and chowing down. Well, I've finally caught it on video (please ignore the annoying American Idol in the background)...Here it is:
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Consensual Living
As a relatively new parent, I have found myself, on occasion, debating how to raise this little kid. I mean, let's be honest, he's eight months old and right now is the easy part. To spank or not? To ground or not? Time outs? Maybe. What if my kid turns out to be a freak and wants to dress as one of those freaky goth people? Ugh. What will I do if he tells me he wants to go to the University of Iowa?
Well, my prayers have been answered!
It's a little something called the "Consensual Living" movement...basically, you just let your kid do whatever they want. Boo-yeah. That's easy enough.
here's a blurb from the above linked article:
One morning last September, Melanie Leavey's six-year-old daughter, Savannah, insisted on wearing a Halloween cat costume instead of normal clothes. She wore it all day long, and the next too. Eventually, she agreed to take off the costume so it could be washed, but the minute it was laundered, she pulled it on again. Weeks passed, then months. It wasn't until February, almost six months later, that Savannah finally decided to put the cat costume to rest.See how easy it is? And guess what? It WORKS, too!
So, Ms. Leavey began to practise consensual living, a set of principles designed to help family members understand each other's feelings and meet one another's needs.Indeed.
Ever since her daughter got the chance to assert her autonomy in her clothing choices, Ms. Leavey says, helping her get dressed in the morning has been "a piece of cake."
I haven't really talked it over with Anne yet, but I'm sure she'll warm up to the idea. I feel like the scales have fallen from my eyes and the next 18 years are sure to be a LOT easier.
As I write this, I realize how popular this is sure to become. Since the IBC strives to be relevant, I've looked up what all is involved...
Consensual-living.com offers this advice:
CORE PRINCIPLES
TECHINQUES
- Everyone's wants and needs are equally valid, regardless of age.
- Children can be trusted to know their own minds and bodies.
- Punishments and rewards are tools of manipulation, unneeded when family members work as a team.
- There is a creative solution that works for everyone.
- Each family member has a positive intent and desires harmony.
- When all are secure that their needs will be met, they will branch out and help others meet their needs.
- In a conflict, identify the underlying needs - usually there are several ways they can be met.
- Pay attention to the underlying needs in someone who is hungry, angry, lonely or tired (HALT). Sometimes addressing biological needs helps get everyone back on track.
- Otherwise, explore underlying needs through validation ("You're feeling sad that we're about to leave the toy store, aren't you?") and clarification ("What I hear you saying is that you want more time to look at the marbles, right?").
- Once others feel heard, revert to "I" statements to express your own needs ("I want to head home so there's enough time to make dinner before everyone gets really hungry").
- Think outside the box with other family members, including children, to come up with a solution for each situation.
I love the Cosby Show. I still watch the reruns every chance I get. I recall one of the early episodes, Theo was screwing around in school or something and Cliff was getting pissed. He's like, "You WILL do better am school because I am your Father and I said so! I brought you into this world, and I'll take you out. It doesn't matter to me because I can make another one just like ya!" Although this statement is in obvious violation of nearly all the core principles of the Consensual Living movement, something tells me it's slightly more effective. Read more...
$26.7 Billion
That's the amount the Dear Leader and the Dems in congress have spent EVERY SINGLE DAY they've been in session this year. Remember last years when they were bitching about the $10 billion, $12 billion or $30 billion per month or whatever we were spending in Iraq?
It makes me ask...What about the children?
Monday, March 30, 2009
Sold!
Well, the first happy customer took posession of the first two JD-2000b production models (with matching ottomans). I'm happy I didn't have to break up the twins. Here's a look at how they turned out. The last thing I did was a little trick I've been reading about - to wet sand them with Penofin oil. I used 600 grit sand paper and it made the surface just like silk. Pretty shhnazzy!
Thought of the Day: Jack of All Trades
You know, I might have had this Obama fellow all wrong.
Not only does he know everything about government and how to run the country, he knows everything about "alternative energy," how to raise our children, what we should have our thermostats set at, what movies Gordon Brown likes, the NCAA should set up football playoffs, what income level is "appropriate," what doctors we should see, what cars we should drives, how to run a bank, how to run a mortgage company...but I see he's basically fired the CEO of GM and told them all their recovery plan is "a lemon." He's even able to run American car companies!
We sure are getting our money's worth with this guy.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Friday's Rant: Go Green, Run Red
One of the first things they tell you in Political Science class is that, unlike other sciences, there are no “laws” of political science. In other words, there isn’t any instance in politics that can be replicated 100% of the time.
I disagree. I’ve always said something to the effect that entrepreneurs are ALWAYS smarter than government bureaucrats. No matter how much regulation, laws, etc. that are created, an entrepreneur will always find a way to skirt the regulations and make money – if there is a market for their stuff. That’s the way it works. Always.
I was reminded of this Doorah Law of Politics #1 the other day when talking with a friend of mine about the socialism that’s sweeping, unabated, across our country. We were talking about all the crap that’s been going on – each worthy of its own rant (so many rants, so few Fridays) and he made an excellent point.
Pointing to the Doorah Law of Politics #1, he argued that we shouldn’t fight the socialism, but embrace it. Embrace socialism and find ways to make money and use it to our advantage. I must admit, it jolted me. Almost instinctively, I wanted to oppose his point.
But I’ve thought about it and I think he’s right.
On an unrelated point, anybody who knows me knows how I feel about stoplights. I hate’em. I hate waiting, stopping, turning on red, etc., etc. In fact, and I bet you don’t know this…The Iowa Blog Cabin is located in the ONLY Iowa county that doesn’t have a single stoplight. But I digress.
THEREFORE, with these points in mind, I’m starting a new cause – one I’m truly passionate about. And because I trust the people who read this blog to not give away my true motivations, I’m going to let you in on it. Here goes:
GO GREEN, RUN RED.
For decades now, millions upon millions of cars, trucks, vans and SUVs have spent thousands of hours idling at red lights and have wasted billions of gallons of fuel for literally no good reason. Our organization believes it is critical to our efforts to reverse climate change that we develop a sustainable model of transportation usage that eliminates our irrational dependency on stoplights.
By creating a new transportation system usage paradigm and banning stoplights, we will literally save the earth and eliminate our need for billions of gallons of devilish fossil fuels. However, saving money is not what this is about. It’s about saving the earth, working to eliminate the need for fossil fuels and increasing the market for renewable fuels.
By banning stoplights, traffic will flow freely and eliminate all of the waste and thousands upon thousands of tons of pollution belched into the air by idling gas guzzling monster vehicles, like SUVs.
How will this be achieved? We have recently created a non-profit group – “Go Green, Run Red.” With a staff made up of dozens of recent college grads and the Philosophy degrees they worked hard for, we’re applying for government grants that will fund our important research, advocacy, outreach and logo development. Additionally, we are planning a National Run-A-Red-Light Day, to bring awareness and understanding to the dangers stoplights pose to our environment.
Go Green, Run Red is committed to implementing sound alternatives to dangerous and pollution causing stoplights. However, these alternatives can be achieved only after stoplights are banned. This is, and must be, our first priority.
Now, we anticipate that there will be some resistance to this critical effort to save the planet. The stoplight industrial complex is deeply entrenched into the fabric of western culture. Their lobbyists, the Republican Party, the Rush Limbaugh show and the insurance industry will no doubt resist this vital crusade. This is why we need you.
We need your grass roots support, your fundraising, your Facebook pages and your participation in National Run-A-Red-Light Day to bring about our vision of a future that implements a sustainable transportation system usage paradigm that eliminates our dependency on stoplights.
Breathe in, breathe out…and imagine a world without stoplights.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Mysteries of the Katy Trail, Part 3 of 3
Read Part 1
Read Part 2
CHAPTER V: Tempting Fate
With the civilized world doubting our exploits and discoveries, we were left with one option…to take them with us and go back. We’d go back to New Franklin, back to the Katy trail, back to McBaine…and back to the mysterious bar. Then they’d understand…they’d have the good time we had and we’d be the heroes that had claimed McBaine, MO for Ames.
The gods of the Katy Trail knew we’d be back…their warnings continued.
The trek from Ames was very similar to the first…we left late and drove through the evening…in the dark. Once again, we approached New Franklin in a massive thunderstorm. The rain poured. The thunder pounded. We had to set up our tents in the rain. The first night was misery. But like the first trip, we woke up to a beautiful morning of bright sunshine. I stood at the picnic table, sipping my coffee, with an uneasy feeling. This had been the very definition of deja vu.
“I bet Lewis and Clark had days like this,” I thought, letting the warmth of the mug heat my hands. I looked across our much larger group, packing their bikes up, readying for the trip to McBaine.
“So young, so innocent.” They had no idea what was coming. They hadn’t seen the trail, the caves, the bluffs or the town. They had no idea what they’d face in the next 20 miles. We loaded up and started down the trail, stopping frequently to maintain our hydration. We stopped at a restaurant along the way for lunch, after passing through a long, damp tunnel…Built in 1893, the tunnel was still charred black from a 100 years of soot.
We passed by the Moniteau Bluffs, staring down upon us. A derivative of an Indian word meaning, “Great Spirit,” the Moniteau Bluffs were to the gods of the Katy Trail what Olympus was to Zeus. A cold breeze suddenly blew across the Missouri River and into my face…As I thought about the “Great Spirit,” a dark cloud rolled across the top of the bluff. We suddenly encountered a massive portion of the trail that had completely washed out. Gone. A sign read, "Rough conditions ahead. Proceed with caution." Never before had the gods of the Katy Trail spoken so directly to us.
Carefully, we found our way across the cavernous gorge, and continued. A couple hours later, as we grew closer to McBaine, Cory and I began to again tell stories of McBaine, the bar and our previous exploits. Not understanding the bounty that lay just around the bend, our fellow explorers were growing tired. Our tales encouraged them on.
We came around the bend to the sight of the first trailers dotting McBaine. We looked down the hill to point out the massive two story building that made up the entire McBaine skyline…
It wasn’t there.
We stopped in our tracks. Stunned. Our fellow travelers asked, “Where is this place at?” We were speechless.
We continued down the streets of town. Again, not a living soul in sight. No cars, no life…of any kind. We pulled up to where the building once stood, or so we thought.
Gone. Completely gone.
As the gods of the Katy Trail had warned years earlier…we had now discovered what weren't looking for - and what we didn’t want to find.
Cory and I turned back to the group…who had all dismounted from their bikes and were staring at us.
“It WAS here!” Cory, pointing towards the ground, exclaimed to a very skeptical mob.
As good friends do, I backed him up. I walked around the parking lot, outlining where the building had been. There wasn’t an old foundation, pile of bricks or wood. There wasn’t a burned out shell of a building. No signs, no lights, nothing. There was literally no evidence that the building – or a building – had ever been there. Only a gravel lot.
We walked to our bikes and opened up a can of PBR, leaning against a telephone pole. “This just doesn’t make any sense. It was right here!”
Or, was it? As I stood in the gravel lot, I looked up and thought about Daniel Boone, the thousands of hobos, Lewis, Clark and all the explorers that had come before us. I thought about the Katy mainline, Thomas Jefferson and the Louisiana Purchase. We were standing smack in the middle of one of the greatest exploration highways of all time! Then it hit me. The only logical conclusion… Aliens. They were explorers, too.
I turned around to see the rest of our friends leaving us. They had called others who had not come on the bike trip to come and pick them up. Soon, it was just Cory and I and our bikes standing in the parking lot. Except for Heather, everyone had abandoned us. Eerily though, Cory had drawn similar conclusions as me.
“The building was abducted by aliens. That has to be it,” he speculated.
“Or…it wasn’t a building at all,” I replied. “That bar was the alien mother ship! We were in it! This isn’t a parking lot…it’s a launch pad!” It all made sense now. “Why else would there be a huge, massive bar – with no name – in a town with ZERO people? Why else would it be two stories tall? Why else would it have blast doors on it? What else explained the weird long ramp into the main room? The butt numb-ers? The David Allen Coe on the jukebox? The aliens were just following in the footsteps of thousands of explorers who had come right down this trail before them. They weren’t any different than us. Slowly, Cory lifted his head towards the heavens, pondering the possibility. It began to rain softly. The gods had spoken.
We finished our beers, got on our bikes and began the lonely ride back. Wiser. More worldy. More out-of-this-worldly. It rained the entire way.
Twenty miles later, Cory and I pulled into New Franklin to the sight of all our friends feasting gleefully at a local steakhouse. Wet, tired and exhausted…we joined them.
Except for Heather, who had been there, none of them ever believed us.
EPILOGUE
I realize to some, this story may seem…farfetched. One more shred of evidence…Of the five people that went on the original trip to the alien mother ship, one of the individuals has, to my knowledge, completely disappeared from the face of the earth. Another has gone on to become, not so coincidentally, a NASA scientist at Cape Canaveral studying top secret “stuff.” The three others are Cory, Heather and me.
None of us have returned to McBaine since that late summer’s day in 2002. But I’ve told you this story so that I can tell you this…we’re going back. This summer, we’re preparing to mount an expedition back down the mysterious Katy Trail. Many mysteries still remain. Among them, is Daniel Boone buried along the trail? The legend says he is. What has come of McBaine, MO since the aliens left? Had the aliens been there before? Indian carvings written on the bluffs seem to indicate they were. Have they returned? Did they ever leave? The time has come to dare the gods of the Katy Trail once more.
The End...? Read more...
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