Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Pep Talk Time

I believe it was Ronald Reagan back in 1980 who first posed the question to American voters: "Are you better off than you were four years ago?" For a politician running against an incumbent president, a pretty savvy question...Since then, many politicians have used this same line. Most recently, I've seen our good friends, Obama and Biden using it in their commercials and stump speeches. Nice try.

Although it may be a great question from a political standpoint, as a way of trying to get people to question their leaderships competence, I have always disagreed with the very premise of this question. Primarily because it implies that my success, my hopes, my dreams and my entire future pivots on who the president and a select group of bureaucrats in government consists of.

So I ask you...are YOU better off than you were eight years ago? Regardless of who you're supporting in the upcoming elections - ask youself this - you don't have to tell anybody.

Eight years ago, I was a junior at Iowa State, living in an apartment, no health insurance, no money, living off loans, working two part-time jobs - a convenience store clerk and a shelf-stocker at Hy-Vee - driving a junk car, ate Velveeta Shells and Cheese or Honey Bunches of Oats for dinner most nights - and had only been to one Jimmy Buffett concert. Bill Clinton was President - was he to blame for this?

Eight years later, I have graduated from ISU, graduated from Texas Tech with my Master's degree, have a pretty good job, have health insurance, own a home, two cars, a 401(k), I'm happily married with a new baby - and have been to nine Jimmy Buffett concerts. George W. Bush is President - does he get the credit for this?

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not living lifestyles of the rich and famous...But, yes, I am certainly better off that I was eight years ago. Using Obama's logic, should I automatically vote for McCain?

If success is measured by how much "stuff" we have...it seems most Americans are better off than they were eight years ago. And most Americans will be better off eight years from now than they are today.

I say all this because it's a point we know deep down - our personal success is not and should not be dependent on who's in charge of government. The fact is, in America today, government is typically the primary impediment to an individual's success.

High taxes, regulations, bureaucracy are all hurdles one must jump through in order to be successful - whether individually or in business. When a person can actually look back over eight years and say they are better off, it's not because the government has done anything to put them there - but because that individual has succeeded in spite of the fact government has put up hurdles and has been in their way the entire time.

Certainly a President can screw things up - or do a great job to improve the country. But rarely on a "micro," individual level. I don't know who's going to win the next election, but I do know this - the next four or eight years depend mostly on what I make of it - not who the President is.

The better question should be, which of the candidates is going to work to actively reduce bureaucracy, reduce the burden of government on the average American, work to get government out of our way and work to inspire Americans to make the most of their talents and skills? It's not the role of government to guarantee success, outcomes or prosperity - but ensure Americans are free to live their lives in a way that they see fit...in my humble opinion. The candidate or party who does this is the one who gets my vote.

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Friday, September 26, 2008

Friday's Rant: "Truck Nuts"


Preface: The entire editorial staff here at the Iowa Blog Cabin work very hard to keep things rated PG or maybe PG-13. To some of our more sensitive readers, this might be on the more PG-13 side...you're warned. But it needs to be said. Don't run from the truth. Embrace it.
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I've made note several times how I spend a lot of time in the car...and often, I spend a lot of time driving behind MORONS who, as I follow them, amaze me that they're even still alive. That said, it's happened again. Another uniquely American cultural phenomenon and something that absolutely baffles me...something called "truck nuts" (see photo)

The first time I saw them I had no idea what I was looking at...the second time I saw them, it began to dawn on me what they kind of looked like...the third time I saw them I realized what they had to be - and I couldn't believe it. After I realized what they had to be I distinctly remember yelling out loud, "why in the hell would anybody want to hang those things from their truck!" It's unbelievable. What is the psychology of a person who sees those and says, "I need me one of them."

Now you're probably asking yourself, how did you learn so much about this? Well, I googled it. You can buy your own set online for about $25. What's amazing is that there are dozens of sites selling them. I guess that's one part that gives me hope for America and the future of our economy. Somewhere out there right now, there is a guy MAKING A LIVING off of selling rubber cow balls that dangle from truck bumpers. Name another country where that's possible...

Regardless...

Friends and neighbors, come on! Perhaps it's one argument against evolution...no life form that is genuinely evolving would ever evolve into this! I'm not going to speak for the rest of the country, but, I feel safe in saying - very, very few people want to drive down the highway and pass your truck with fake cow balls dangling from your back bumper! Who wants to see that? Grow up! I would hazard to guess that the same people who hang fake cow balls from their back bumper are the same people that wear crocs while their girlfriends smash their nasty hobbit feet against the front windshield when driving down the road.

We can do better...seriously.

Breathe in, breathe out...this week's rant is over.

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Wednesday, September 24, 2008

mmm...Ice Cream

I'm a relatively open-minded person...but it has its limits. Messing with ice cream crosses the line. So when I read this, admittedly, it didn't really surprise me, but it does cross the "now you've gone too far" line...

You see, PETA is encouraging Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream to STOP using cow milk in their ice cream and instead replace it with...wait for it...breast milk. Yep...good old fashioned boob juice. Here's a link to the article: PETA Urges Ben & Jerry's To Use Human Milk. Lovely.

According to the letter from the Executive Director of PETA to Ben & Jerry's, dairy products are, of course, bad for us...they have "been linked to juvenile diabetes, allergies, constipation, obesity, and prostate and ovarian cancer. "

BUT WAIT! There's more!

Animals will also benefit from the switch to breast milk. Like all mammals, cows only produce milk during and after pregnancy, so to be able to constantly milk them, cows are forcefully impregnated every nine months. After several years of living in filthy conditions and being forced to produce 10 times more milk than they would naturally, their exhausted bodies are turned into hamburgers or ground up for soup.
Friends and neighbors, I don't want to turn this into a rant, but it sure wouldn't be hard. I like good old, 100 percent cow's milk ice cream. The thicker, sludgier, wholer the better. :) It's nice to know that there's somebody out there that has enough time on their hands to care about cows more than they do people, but good grief. Leave me (and my ice cream) alone!

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Tuesday, September 23, 2008

An Obama - Palin ticket?

Here's an interesting article discussing the possibility of this year's election ending in a 269 - 269 electoral college tie: 269 tie: An electoral college 'doomsday'?

The scenario seems realistic...but here's the deal: If there was a tie, the vote goes to the House of Representatives to decide - which would likely give it to Obama. But here's the HIL-arious part...the issue would go to the senate to decide the VP (remember, the VP is actually the President of the Senate). Since Democrat/Independent Joe Lieberman would vote for McCain, it would make a 50-50 tie in the Senate - meaning Dick Cheney would cast the deciding vote - likely for Sarah Palin to become Vice President. HAHA. Awesome.

If it wasn't for the fact Obama would likely become president, I would root for this scenario. It seems there is a just irony to Dick Cheney picking the next VP.

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Friday, September 19, 2008

Friday's Rant: Kum & Go

On average, I drink quite a bit of coffee. First thing in the morning through about 2 p.m., I have a cup of coffee pretty close at hand. This brings me to the topic of today's rant...Kum & Go, their string of "convenience" stores and my one-man boycott of their entire corporation.

Here's the deal, when I go someplace - Starbuck's, McDonald's, my house or a gas station - I drink a 16 oz. cup of coffee. I need more that 12 ounces but a I can't drink 20 ounces fast enough - it gets cold before I finish it. Therefore, 16 ounces is juuust right.

Which brings me to Kum & Go. There are a lot of these stores in Iowa - you can hardly drive by a street corner where there isn't one there - "keeping you on the go."

BUT...and this is the problem - they don't carry 16 ounce cups in ANY of the stores. Believe me, I pay attention. They have 12 ounce cups, 20 ounce cups, hell, they even have 24 ounce cups...But NO 16 ounce cups. Completely unacceptable. What the heck kind of gas station doesn't have 16 ounce cups? Why? What could possibly be the reason? I worked in a gas station for nearly 10 years and I can say with complete confidence - it is a very popular size. It simply doesn't make sense. Unless you consider the possibility that it is a complete conspiracy.

I guarantee this is how it works: somewhere in a dark, smoke-filled back room - around a massive conference room table sits the big-wig management along with a nerdy accountant. He's reading a marketing research study that has found that 99% of the people who want to buy a 16 oz. cup of coffee will instead buy a 20 oz. cup of coffee when a 16 ounce cup is not an option. So if they simply don't offer a 16 oz. cup, they'll sell more 20 oz. cups at 25 cents more cup. This equates to millions of dollars per year in additional revenue for Kum & Go.

See? This is how it works...so, they don't offer me 16 oz. cups - which pisses me off. Thus, for about three years now, I have been personally boycotting this store until they provide me with a 16 oz. cup for my coffee.

Friends and neighbors, I refuse to conform to the kind of cup Kum & Go thinks I should use. I refuse to fit into the mold that their nerdy accountants say I should. I am that 1% of consumers who WILL NOT buy a 20 oz cup when all I really want is a 16 oz. cup. Stand up people! Stand up to the evil Kum & Go overlords that want us to be mind-numb slaves to their corporate mold. Here's our chance to rebel and make a difference. Demand 16 oz. cups! Write your senator, congressmen - even Barack Obama. He can lower the levels of the ocean, surely he can force Kum & Go to offer 16 oz. cups! Think about it...you know it's true.

Breathe in, breathe out...this week's rant is over.


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Thursday, September 18, 2008

Meanwhile, Somewhere in Canada...

When I was 18 years old, a couple weeks out of high school, my friend Jason and I hopped into my 1990 Chevy S-10 and drove to Alaska. It was (and in many ways still is) the biggest adventure I had ever been on. It took us five days to get there, took us across one continent, two countries, three provinces, 11 states and nearly 10,000 miles - round trip. I could write semi-true stories about the things we saw, did and experienced for the next week and still not tell them all.

But one thing that can't be understated is how rugged it still is. In the U.S., we hop on the highway and drive wherever we want...no biggie. The Alaska Highway and the other highways through northern Canada aren't necessarily highways in the sense we think of them. Sure they're mostly paved, but they're constantly working on them...and often times, miles and miles of driving on large, dusty, two-lane gravel roads. This particular story begins on the drive south, somewhere in north-central British Columbia...

We were on our way home from our long trip to Alaska and after several weeks of perpetual driving, we were getting a little restless and ready to be home. So as we drove through the southern Yukon Territory we decided that we'd just take continuous shifts and drive non-stop back to Iowa. I volunteered to take the first night shift - driving basically straight south through British Columbia towards Seattle - about 900 miles away.

When you're that far north in the summer it never gets dark - but as I drove further south that night, for the first time on the trip it got darker and darker the further I went - to the point that by 1 a.m. or so it was completely dark. Early on in the night, Jason passed out asleep and it was just me, my s-10, French-language Christian radio and the Canadian Rockies. Although it was dark, it really was an amazing drive. The road, at least at that time, was nearly completely gravel - so you had to drive fairly slow. It was a bit like driving through a zoo - I can vividly recall seeing moose, wolves, bears, deer, elk an big horn sheep - all standing on the side of the road.

Then about 5:30 a.m., in the middle of a dense evergreen forest - out in the middle of what can only described as nowhere, it happened. I could instantly feel the flat tire. When you're planning a drive like this every guidebook tells you that you're going to get flat tires along the way. It's recommend that you carry a couple spares a good jack and the tools you need to change the tire quickly - we were prepared.

But one thing I wasn't prepared for was the moment it happened. As I mentioned before, the drive was like driving through a zoo...and as I felt the flat tire and looked at Jason continuing to sleep, I could see them - at least a dozen (and I mean at least a dozen) black bears. There were bears in the ditches, the road, the trees - everywhere. There was some kind of road kill up the road as well as behind us a few hundred yards, and being early morning, I guess it was time for breakfast. I pulled the truck off to the side of the road and came to a stop.

Pulling the truck to a stop woke Jason up...and rubbing his eyes, he asked, "What's going on?"

"We have a flat," I replied. He pulled himself up, sat up straight and peered out the windshield. No more than 50 yards in front of us four black bears sat eating the road kill.

"Are you shitting me? We have a flat...here?"

"Yep." I continued to stare down the road at the bears. I smiled, looked at him - "But no worries, they're more scared of you than you are of them." I reached for the door handle and bolted to the back of the truck.

It was the right-rear tire that was flat. With the speed and efficiency of a NASCAR pit crew we worked together, jacking up the truck, spinning off all five lug nuts, slapping on the new tire, spinning the lug nuts back on, pitching the flat tire into the back and bolting back into the truck.

We sat there for a second. The bears hadn't even moved...although there were now a few more rustling through the ditch. We finished the drive into Prince George, stopped at a gas station and had our tire repaired. Relaying our close call to the old man while he fixed it - he just laughed, muttered something about Yankees and handed us the bill.

Just like that, we were back on the road - only 1,900 more miles to Glenwood.

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Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Moms, Grandmas and Wiis

Bill Cosby has a famous stand-up routine about how parents change when they become Grandparents. I think he said something to the effect, "Those are not the people I grew up with...they're old people just trying to get into heaven now!" Maybe it's true.

I can remember it well growing up. Back when the hottest, coolest, awesomeist thing to have was a Nintendo. Not a DS, not a Wii, not a PS3 - an original duck huntin', Super Mario Bros. and Legend of Zelda playin' Nintendo. It seemed, ALL the kids had them. All but us Darrah kids, of course. As much as we begged, pleaded and tormented our Mother...she would not relent. We never owned a Nintendo.

Now let's fast forward 20 years and three grand-children later...the same mother. The same person who raised me. The same mother who told us to go play outside whenever we asked for a Nintendo. They were over at our house a couple weeks ago along with Angie, Matt and their kids - and we were all playing Wii - we were all bowling. And my Mother tried it. In fact, she was pretty good. My little nephew Daniel was too and easily became an addict.

I think you know where this story is going...Go ahead, ask me who bought a Wii last weekend? Exactly. My Mother. :) ...so her grandkids would have something to do when they come visit. But I know better...she's home practicing picking up those 7-10 splits right now.

So, Mom...on behalf of your grandchildren and your children (who've waited 20 years for this)...Thanks.

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Friday, September 12, 2008

Friday's Rant: Iowa Hawkeyes

Sorry, folks...can't stand'em. But the word on the street has it that the Iowa Hawkeyes will be able to keep enough players out of jail long enough to play the game Saturday. Here's my lock-stock, take-it-to-the-bank, bet the farm, your first born and your last dime prediciton:

Iowa State 24 - 20 over the Hawks.

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Thursday, September 11, 2008

Joe Biden is Hilarious

We've been posting a few videos this week...Thought I'd keep it up and post a couple funny ones - at least to me.

Example #1 : Biden says Hillary is more qualified to be VP than he is.



Example #2 : Biden asks man in a wheelchair to stand up.

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Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Who Ya Gonna Call?

Yeah, I'm awesome.

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Community Organizers

The other night during Sarah Palin's speech, she kind of poked fun at Obama's experience as a "Community Organizer." I'll have to paraphrase, but as I recall, she said something like, "being a mayor is a lot like being a community organizer - except you have actual responsibilities."

Since then, a lot of people have been asking what exactly a community organizer does. It seem to be a little hard to pin down. Check it out...Obama - in his own words...some things never, ahem, 'change.'

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Friday, September 5, 2008

Friday's Rant: MarioKart

It's not what you're thinking...I like MarioKart. In fact, I love it - and always have. It's one of the few video games that I've ever been able to sit down and play for hours on end. But for years, I've never had an outlet to express my frustration...MarioKart is the cheatenist game ever. And I believe that it was created by either Japanese communists or Democrats. Here's why.

Assuming you've played the game several times, you know what it's like to be leading ever single lap, every single second, ever single inch of a race only to have one of those stupid blue bombs, a red shell or one of those weird squids mess you up at the very end and you lose the race (I'm counting second place as having lost the race).

It's not at all random. The little slot-machine-like spinner in the top of the screen doesn't randomly pick which weapon you're going ot get. The game knows you are in the lead. The game knows that there is no way it can catch you. So out of nowhere...WHAM! You're smashed and half a dozen cars whiz by you. Pisses me off every time.

No capitalist would have ever developed a game that punishes achievement in such a way. No Republican would have ever invented a game that destroys a person in the lead, who's achieved everything on his own - by playing by rules and pulling himself up by his own bootstraps and being better than the rest. The game must have been developed by a person who had been jealous of all the rich kids in school or something. Perhaps a Democrat who wanted to "help the little guy" by "sticking it to the man." The "man," of course, being my Luigi in his little green racer.

Friends and neighbors, I implore Nintendo, the Japanese people and the Democrats that invented MarioKart to create a new version. A capitalist version where the slot-machine-like spinner thing that choose the weapons is truly random. What a world it would be! What a lesson for our children!

Either way, I still like MarioKart.

Breathe in, breathe out...this week's rant is over.

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Thursday, September 4, 2008

Acorns


Life can be hard on the west central Iowa frontier. It's getting to be that time of year when things get a little more intense around here. An early example. Acorns. Yep.

We have three pretty big oak trees here at the Iowa Blog Cabin and, well, they are giving birth to literally zillions of little oak children. Here's a pic...This wagon load represents about 1% of the acorn harvest from one of the trees.

It pretty much sucks.

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Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Starbuck's VS. McDonald's

Here's an interesting nugget I read yesterday. Apparently, the coffee you drink can predict who you are likely supporting for president. People who drink Starbuck's prefer Obama 44% - 37.8% over John McCain (this should not be at all surprising). However, people who prefer McDonald's coffee support John McCain 45.4% - 29.2% over Obama.

On a side, Starbuck's is closing 600 stores nationwide while McDonald's is expanding its coffee line-up.

Interesting.

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