Obama Apologizes to Descendents of Barbary Pirates

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Obama Apologizes to Descendents of Barbary Pirates
Obama stops in Tripoli to apologize to the descendents of Barbary pirates for “unfortunate American aggression.”

TRIPOLI, Libya - In an unexpected move, American President Barack H. Obama made a surprise stop in Tripoli, Libya to meet with Col. Khadafi and descendents of Barbary pirates.

Standing on the “shores of Tripoli,” Obama attempted to repair the damage caused by the two Barbary Wars of the early 19th century.

“This beach is a monument. A monument to what happens when the United States fails to see beyond the barrel of a gun and negotiate, in good faith, with international players. Unfortunately, Presidents Jefferson and Madison did not have the vision to engage in a multilateral dialogue and as a result started not only two wars, but also a long and damaging perception that the U.S. is at war with Islam,” Obama said to a cheering crowd of Libyans chanting “Death to America!”  “Today we unite in an effort to begin reversing that perception.”

The motivations and implications of President Obama’s apology weren’t immediately clear. Dr. Richard Shah, Professor Emeritus of North Africa Studies at the University of Southern Vermont commented, “This is a very important admission by an American president and a genuine effort to right the wrongs of past generations and acknowledge what the rest of the world has known for a long time.”

After Obama spoke in Tripoli, Amani Amatullah, a 20 year old woman and direct descendent of Hassan Bey, one of the leaders of the Barbary pirates, spoke with the permission of her 67 year old husband. “Allah be praised! Finally, the American infidels have admitted and apologized for their treachery and arrogance!” When asked if she accepted the President’s apology, she replied, “NEVER! We must continue the work of my descendents and wipe the American infidels from the earth. Unless, of course they are willing to pay us enough money and convert to Islam.”

The first Barbary War began in 1801 when the Barbary Pirates, who had been harassing American trading vessels for years after independence, demanded tribute in order to release the American ships and sailors they had captured and enslaved. The United States refused and war ensued. Obama’s trip marks the first time and American president has visited the site – long a bone of contention between the two nations.

Obama concluded, “When Thomas Jefferson met with the Ambassador from Tripoli he asked him – why are you capturing our sailors in this act of aggression? The ambassador replied, ‘It is written in the Koran, that all nations which had not acknowledged the Prophet were sinners, whom it was the right and duty of the faithful to plunder and enslave; and that every muslim who was slain in this warfare was sure to go to paradise.’ The muslim world laid out a path for peace over 200 years ago – we as Americans have been too arrogant to acknowledge it. Today marks a new era in our relationship.”

With that, Obama was hurried into his bullet proof car where he was whisked into a waiting armor plated helicopter and then on to his massive flying fortress jumbo jet to return to America.  The apology marks the latest in a series of apologies he has offered in his whirlwind tour. Great Britain, France, Czech Republic, all of Europe, Asia, Russia, Turkey and Iraq have each received apologies in the last two weeks.  The trip has been declared a success.