Friday's Rant: Toilet Paper

You know what?  I'm sick and tired. 

I had a completely different topic in mind for this week's rant, but I read this article and has pissed me off.  The straw that broke the camel's back, if you will.  I'm sick of Democrats, liberals, socialists, Bolsheviks and most of all...I'm sick of environmentalists.  There.  I said it. 

I'm sick of being told what I have to have my thermostat set at.  I'm sick of being told what kind of car I'm suppose to drive.  I'm tired of hearing from some nut-job that's never had a real job or even grown a garden (other than the pot plants in his basement) that our agricultural practices, which are thousands of years old, are "unsustainable."  I'm tired of being told what kind of grocery bags I should buy.  I'm tired of being told to "consider my environmental responsibility before printing this e-mail."  I'm tired of being told what kind of light bulbs I should use.  And I'm tired of hearing that the carbon dioxide which I exhale with every breath I take is pollution. 

Folks, excuse me, I'm trying real hard to watch my language right now.

Here's the article - American taste for soft toilet roll 'worse than driving Hummers'.  That's right...one more thing we can add to the list.  Of course, it only applies to America, but apparently we're all a bunch of, ahem, assholes because we like something more than one-ply recycled toilet paper.

They call it, "luxury brand" toilet paper.  Okay, maybe if I'm some African tribesman using fig leaves for toilet paper, then it's luxury.  Other than that, there is no such thing as "luxury toilet paper." 

Well, I don't care.

"More than 98% of the toilet roll sold in America comes from virgin forests, said Hershkowitz. In Europe and Latin America, up to 40% of toilet paper comes from recycled products. Greenpeace this week launched a cut-out-and-keep ecological ranking of toilet paper products."

The article goes on to make note that Americans use 100% more paper than the Chinese.  Well, la-dee-da.  Guess what?  The Chinese eat 100% more dogs than Americans but I'm not trying to save the dogs.

Friends and neighbors, I'm sick and tired.  The socialists keep coming at us.  They won't leave us alone until we're all eating nuts and berries and living in a cave.  This is why I don't care:  if you plant them, trees always grow back.  If you want to use four-ply $100 bills to wipe your butt, go for it.  If you want to buy a pallet of "luxury brand" toilet paper and TP your neighbors trees...sweet, I don't care - as long as I'm not your neighbor.  I want thicker, stronger toilet paper.  If it means virgin forests must be chopped down so I can have better TP...let's spark up the chain saws.

Breathe in, breathe out...this week's rant is over.