How to Have a Baby

Before Collin was born, Anne and I heard several recommendations for how we could initiate labor. The recommendations ranged from a big plate of spaghetti, Mexican food, jalapenos, going for a long walk, etc. Being good sports, we tried them all. :) However, I can say that none of them worked.

In the few days since he was born, Anne and I have had a chance to sit down and develop a rock-solid strategy to initiate labor. And since we have several friends who are pregnant...I thought I'd share the best, fool-proof method. This approach is very specific, but I can almost guarantee it will work.

When your due date is approaching, wait for the evening of a full moon, at low tide, when the barometric pressure is dropping...eat five pieces of Casey's taco pizza (no taco sauce). Wait for approximately six hours...WHAM-O! You've got a kid. I would say this is 95% effective. For 100% effectiveness, try doing all of the above while there is a thunderstorm warning somewhere in Hamilton County, Iowa or the gymnastics floor routine during the Olympics.